One more adoption post!
In 1999, we had a devastating car accident. At the scene I heard a doctor tell the paramedics that two of my four children were unresponsive. They whisked them away to a nearby medical center, slapped them on life support and transferrd them to a large hospital an hour away. We travelled by car, not knowing what was happening with our kids. That hour in the car between hospitals was the longest hour of my life.
Thoughts raced around in my head that felt like arrows in my heart. Would I ever see my children alive again? Would I ever again hear my son giggle as I tickled his ankles while tying his shoes or see his expression as he made his "funny face?" Would I ever get to see the glint of mischief in my daughter's brown eyes again? If they had survived, what would their lives look like now? Were they paralyzed? Had they lost a limb or been forever scarred or maimed? If they weren't going to live, would I get to say good-bye and tell them one more time how much I loved them?
We arrived at the trauma center and the doctor seeing the anquish on my face immediately said, "They are alive." I collapsed onto the floor in relief and thankfulness. After listening to an eternal list of injuries, we went to ICU to see the kids. There they lay, their heads swollen so bad, they were unrecognizable and I looked intently to try to see if these were really my children or not. Before coming out of their comas, the doctors warned me that brain injuries change people and my children might seem like strangers to me. They would most assuredly not be who I remembered them to be. At that moment, I felt like they had died and were gone forever and although they were still alive, I grieved for what had been. It was the most awful feeling I had ever felt.
I think that must have been how my pastor and his wife felt when their foster son was taken from them. He was alive, but would be dead to them in the future because of the separation. They woul have to travel on not really knowing what had happened to the boy who, to them, had become a son. I can imagine that it felt like there had been a death in the family. My heart grieved for them. I could see the pain they were bearing in their hearts on their faces as they determined to try to trust God in spite of it. I know how hard that is.
As I prayed for them, I was reminded that God too, knew what it felt like to lose a son and and be separated from the people that He loved. I asked Him to comfort them as only He could and to infuse their faith in believing that He was still good.
God, in His mercy and as part of a more perfect plan, worked it out that this boy would remain family, not by legal means, but by love and connection. Our DNA may determine our relatives, the state may determine where we live, but families are formed by love and love transcends all other things.
I've often wondered if God's heart broke the day His Son cried from the cross, "My God, why have you forsaken me?" Both God and Christ felt the separation. But praise God that it was not final. There came a resurrection day that affected the entire world and love transcended over all, even our sin. Love formed the family that we, as believers, belong to and not even death can separate us from it.
I know the first time that I was able to hold my son and daughter after the accident felt like they had been raised from the dead. I imagine it felt quite the same to my Pastor and his wife when they realized that they would be put in a position to always be a part of their foster son's life, just in a different capacity. And I have often imagined that God's heart felt that same exhilaration when that long hour came to an end and Christ came out of that tomb and love truly had conquered.
I think sometimes we forget that God is fully aware of how we feel when terrible things happen to us, when we're tempted to question our faith, and when we fear all is lost.
Hebrews 4:14-16 tells us that "Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need"
We need to come close to His throne of grace in times of need knowing that He cares, He understands, and He knows just what we need. He has a plan that we can't fully see yet.
Today, I'm thankful for the throne of grace that is there for me in times of need.
In 1999, we had a devastating car accident. At the scene I heard a doctor tell the paramedics that two of my four children were unresponsive. They whisked them away to a nearby medical center, slapped them on life support and transferrd them to a large hospital an hour away. We travelled by car, not knowing what was happening with our kids. That hour in the car between hospitals was the longest hour of my life.
Thoughts raced around in my head that felt like arrows in my heart. Would I ever see my children alive again? Would I ever again hear my son giggle as I tickled his ankles while tying his shoes or see his expression as he made his "funny face?" Would I ever get to see the glint of mischief in my daughter's brown eyes again? If they had survived, what would their lives look like now? Were they paralyzed? Had they lost a limb or been forever scarred or maimed? If they weren't going to live, would I get to say good-bye and tell them one more time how much I loved them?
We arrived at the trauma center and the doctor seeing the anquish on my face immediately said, "They are alive." I collapsed onto the floor in relief and thankfulness. After listening to an eternal list of injuries, we went to ICU to see the kids. There they lay, their heads swollen so bad, they were unrecognizable and I looked intently to try to see if these were really my children or not. Before coming out of their comas, the doctors warned me that brain injuries change people and my children might seem like strangers to me. They would most assuredly not be who I remembered them to be. At that moment, I felt like they had died and were gone forever and although they were still alive, I grieved for what had been. It was the most awful feeling I had ever felt.
I think that must have been how my pastor and his wife felt when their foster son was taken from them. He was alive, but would be dead to them in the future because of the separation. They woul have to travel on not really knowing what had happened to the boy who, to them, had become a son. I can imagine that it felt like there had been a death in the family. My heart grieved for them. I could see the pain they were bearing in their hearts on their faces as they determined to try to trust God in spite of it. I know how hard that is.
As I prayed for them, I was reminded that God too, knew what it felt like to lose a son and and be separated from the people that He loved. I asked Him to comfort them as only He could and to infuse their faith in believing that He was still good.
God, in His mercy and as part of a more perfect plan, worked it out that this boy would remain family, not by legal means, but by love and connection. Our DNA may determine our relatives, the state may determine where we live, but families are formed by love and love transcends all other things.
I've often wondered if God's heart broke the day His Son cried from the cross, "My God, why have you forsaken me?" Both God and Christ felt the separation. But praise God that it was not final. There came a resurrection day that affected the entire world and love transcended over all, even our sin. Love formed the family that we, as believers, belong to and not even death can separate us from it.
I know the first time that I was able to hold my son and daughter after the accident felt like they had been raised from the dead. I imagine it felt quite the same to my Pastor and his wife when they realized that they would be put in a position to always be a part of their foster son's life, just in a different capacity. And I have often imagined that God's heart felt that same exhilaration when that long hour came to an end and Christ came out of that tomb and love truly had conquered.
I think sometimes we forget that God is fully aware of how we feel when terrible things happen to us, when we're tempted to question our faith, and when we fear all is lost.
Hebrews 4:14-16 tells us that "Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need"
We need to come close to His throne of grace in times of need knowing that He cares, He understands, and He knows just what we need. He has a plan that we can't fully see yet.
Today, I'm thankful for the throne of grace that is there for me in times of need.
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