My oldest nephew, Max, passed away on July 3rd of this year, at the age of 36, after a long, hard-fought battle with cancer. I always process things by writing and I wrote these thoughts down as I pondered his life and his death. I intended to share them at the funeral, but I didn't. So I'm going to share them here.
I don’t have as many memories of Max as I wish I did, but every single one that I do have makes me smile. Max lived about 2 hours from us, so we usually only saw him and his brothers at family get-togethers, weddings or funerals. But when the 7 cousins were all together, anything could happen and it usually did.
When Max and Byron were in elementary school, they came to State College for a week one summer. We celebrated by taking them to an All-you-can-eat buffet that served crab legs. Max enlightened my boys in the art of crab leg eating. I never imagined that 4 boys could eat so many crab legs in one sitting. I glanced back at the pile of shells on their plates as we left the restaurant and it looked like the great wall of China was sitting on the table.
Another summer day, we met Max and his brothers at a small amusement park. Because our schools start earlier than most, the park was all but deserted so when we boarded the roller coaster, we were the only people on it. We took our turn around the track and came to a stop. Max asked the attendant, "Can we go again since there's no one in line?" "Sure!", she said, and off we went again. At the end of that run, there were still no riders waiting to board so Max yelled, "One more time!" as he whirled his arm in the air and the attendant just let us pass on through. I don't know how many times we did "One more time!", but it was at least 7-8, despite the adults pleading with Max to shut up! But that was Max! He didn't do things small in life.
Every Christmas we had a tradition of gathering around the table to play everyone’s (well, all but one aunt's) favorite game - Old Maid. In fact, that is the last and most fond memory I have of Max. Not too long ago, Max called his grandma while we were there visiting and said that he was coming over. He showed up with a couple of pizzas, some soda, and a brand-new deck of Old Maid cards. After eating, we all gathered around the table and had a rousing game of Old Maid, Egolf style. We all laughed ourselves silly as the game progressed. (Egolf style means that we all decide that a certain overly competitive aunt is going to lose and we determine how the old maid will be positioned in our hands so that we can quickly pass the card along until she draws it. Her hearing aid does not work well, so we can freely talk about what we are doing while playing and she doesn't hear us. To this day, she has no idea that the games are always rigged. She just knows that for some uncanny reason she always seems to have the old maid card ALOT!) No one enjoyed this as much as Max. I didn’t know that would be the last time we would play or that I would give Max a hug, but I hugged him tight and whispered to him what I always say to my nephews when I hug them, “don’t tell your brothers, but you’re my favorite nephew.”
From the day Max first entered our lives, we prayed that someday, he would come to know Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. That's what family does. It took a long time, but God answered. Through the journey that has brought us here today to honor Max's memory, God has performed the greatest miracle that can ever happen to a human being. There is no greater miracle than the new birth because when we are born again, we will never die. Today is not really a goodbye for those of us who are in Christ, but rather a “see you later!” As hard as it is to not know how long it will be until we see Max again, we would be in complete despair to know that we would never see him again. I don’t know what Max’s life would have been like if he had been able to beat cancer, but I do know what his life is like now, and the peace and joy that I feel knowing Max is safe and whole and happy for all eternity is a huge comfort to me.
1 Thessalonians 4, the Apostle Paul wrote to the Thessalonians;
13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. 15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.
When I heard that Max had indeed, fallen asleep in the Lord, my first thoughts were to try to picture his face in his first few moments in Heaven, that moment when he realized that he had passed from time into eternal glory and he saw, for the first time, the perfection and beauty of Heaven, and felt what it feels like to be in a perfect body, with a perfect mind, to be free from the restraints of a sinful world and to instantly understand the plan that God had for his life and why God led him down this path. In that moment, he had the full understanding of the immense love that God has for him, the indescribable gift that we have in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the wisdom of God in bringing him home, and he could honestly say to God, “you truly do all things well!” It’s fitting that he will be buried near his Pappy, because I imagined that Pappy was waiting for him at the gate of Heaven, rejoicing that our prayers for Max had finally been answered. What a reunion that must have been.
Then my thoughts turned to his parents, especially his mother, Lisa. I can’t even imagine what it has been like to walk this road, to see seeming victories turn to defeat, to watch your child struggle and hurt, to see a disease as predatory and unrelenting as cancer, slowly drain the life out of your child and not be able to do anything to help. To have to let go and let God, to relinquish your baby back to the one who gave him to you. Outside of God’s love, there is no love stronger than the love a mother has for her child nor any deeper grief than the loss of one. My deepest sympathies and prayers are hers today. I only hope that his parents will come to the see that God understands their pain. He lost his Son too. God surely knows how to heal their broken hearts and to bring some meaning and purpose from all they've been through.
The verse I read earlier does not say that we should not grieve. It says that we do. And I know that this grief is the worst kind of grief that any human can experience. Our grief may be heavy in the coming days, but it will not become despair. Despair has no hope. We do not despair, we hope! Scripture calls it a blessed hope. It's the assurance that God has done and will do everything His Word says in that passage. We will see Max again. We will be perfect, just as Max is now. We will spend our forever with Christ and with each other.
God’s Word tells us that while our family has suffered great loss, Max has experienced great gain. While we mourn our loss, heaven is celebrating that Christ has triumphed and another of His own is finally home! It may appear that the devil has won a victory, but in reality, the devil’s ultimate, diabolical plan for Max's life has been thwarted and Max is more alive right now than he has ever been and we will see him again someday, if we continue in the same faith that has led Max to glory.
I don’t know how many people Max was able to tell about his new found faith and trust in Jesus Christ, or about how God was helping him and showing him things while he was still with us, but I know that if he could, he would try to convince everyone he knows of their dire need of Christ and would tell them that today is the day of salvation. Don’t wait. While Max had time and opportunity, by the grace of God, to see his need and to respond, not everyone gets that kind of a chance. Life is a vapor, here today, gone tomorrow. Only God knows when our lives will end, so we must be ready when the time comes. I know that Max would tell you this if he could be here today.
I will see Max again. I look forward to the great family reunion we will have when time is no more. And we will laugh together "One more time" about Old Maid, roller coasters, and crab legs.
I don’t have as many memories of Max as I wish I did, but every single one that I do have makes me smile. Max lived about 2 hours from us, so we usually only saw him and his brothers at family get-togethers, weddings or funerals. But when the 7 cousins were all together, anything could happen and it usually did.
When Max and Byron were in elementary school, they came to State College for a week one summer. We celebrated by taking them to an All-you-can-eat buffet that served crab legs. Max enlightened my boys in the art of crab leg eating. I never imagined that 4 boys could eat so many crab legs in one sitting. I glanced back at the pile of shells on their plates as we left the restaurant and it looked like the great wall of China was sitting on the table.
Another summer day, we met Max and his brothers at a small amusement park. Because our schools start earlier than most, the park was all but deserted so when we boarded the roller coaster, we were the only people on it. We took our turn around the track and came to a stop. Max asked the attendant, "Can we go again since there's no one in line?" "Sure!", she said, and off we went again. At the end of that run, there were still no riders waiting to board so Max yelled, "One more time!" as he whirled his arm in the air and the attendant just let us pass on through. I don't know how many times we did "One more time!", but it was at least 7-8, despite the adults pleading with Max to shut up! But that was Max! He didn't do things small in life.
Every Christmas we had a tradition of gathering around the table to play everyone’s (well, all but one aunt's) favorite game - Old Maid. In fact, that is the last and most fond memory I have of Max. Not too long ago, Max called his grandma while we were there visiting and said that he was coming over. He showed up with a couple of pizzas, some soda, and a brand-new deck of Old Maid cards. After eating, we all gathered around the table and had a rousing game of Old Maid, Egolf style. We all laughed ourselves silly as the game progressed. (Egolf style means that we all decide that a certain overly competitive aunt is going to lose and we determine how the old maid will be positioned in our hands so that we can quickly pass the card along until she draws it. Her hearing aid does not work well, so we can freely talk about what we are doing while playing and she doesn't hear us. To this day, she has no idea that the games are always rigged. She just knows that for some uncanny reason she always seems to have the old maid card ALOT!) No one enjoyed this as much as Max. I didn’t know that would be the last time we would play or that I would give Max a hug, but I hugged him tight and whispered to him what I always say to my nephews when I hug them, “don’t tell your brothers, but you’re my favorite nephew.”
From the day Max first entered our lives, we prayed that someday, he would come to know Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior. That's what family does. It took a long time, but God answered. Through the journey that has brought us here today to honor Max's memory, God has performed the greatest miracle that can ever happen to a human being. There is no greater miracle than the new birth because when we are born again, we will never die. Today is not really a goodbye for those of us who are in Christ, but rather a “see you later!” As hard as it is to not know how long it will be until we see Max again, we would be in complete despair to know that we would never see him again. I don’t know what Max’s life would have been like if he had been able to beat cancer, but I do know what his life is like now, and the peace and joy that I feel knowing Max is safe and whole and happy for all eternity is a huge comfort to me.
1 Thessalonians 4, the Apostle Paul wrote to the Thessalonians;
13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. 15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.
When I heard that Max had indeed, fallen asleep in the Lord, my first thoughts were to try to picture his face in his first few moments in Heaven, that moment when he realized that he had passed from time into eternal glory and he saw, for the first time, the perfection and beauty of Heaven, and felt what it feels like to be in a perfect body, with a perfect mind, to be free from the restraints of a sinful world and to instantly understand the plan that God had for his life and why God led him down this path. In that moment, he had the full understanding of the immense love that God has for him, the indescribable gift that we have in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the wisdom of God in bringing him home, and he could honestly say to God, “you truly do all things well!” It’s fitting that he will be buried near his Pappy, because I imagined that Pappy was waiting for him at the gate of Heaven, rejoicing that our prayers for Max had finally been answered. What a reunion that must have been.
Then my thoughts turned to his parents, especially his mother, Lisa. I can’t even imagine what it has been like to walk this road, to see seeming victories turn to defeat, to watch your child struggle and hurt, to see a disease as predatory and unrelenting as cancer, slowly drain the life out of your child and not be able to do anything to help. To have to let go and let God, to relinquish your baby back to the one who gave him to you. Outside of God’s love, there is no love stronger than the love a mother has for her child nor any deeper grief than the loss of one. My deepest sympathies and prayers are hers today. I only hope that his parents will come to the see that God understands their pain. He lost his Son too. God surely knows how to heal their broken hearts and to bring some meaning and purpose from all they've been through.
The verse I read earlier does not say that we should not grieve. It says that we do. And I know that this grief is the worst kind of grief that any human can experience. Our grief may be heavy in the coming days, but it will not become despair. Despair has no hope. We do not despair, we hope! Scripture calls it a blessed hope. It's the assurance that God has done and will do everything His Word says in that passage. We will see Max again. We will be perfect, just as Max is now. We will spend our forever with Christ and with each other.
God’s Word tells us that while our family has suffered great loss, Max has experienced great gain. While we mourn our loss, heaven is celebrating that Christ has triumphed and another of His own is finally home! It may appear that the devil has won a victory, but in reality, the devil’s ultimate, diabolical plan for Max's life has been thwarted and Max is more alive right now than he has ever been and we will see him again someday, if we continue in the same faith that has led Max to glory.
I don’t know how many people Max was able to tell about his new found faith and trust in Jesus Christ, or about how God was helping him and showing him things while he was still with us, but I know that if he could, he would try to convince everyone he knows of their dire need of Christ and would tell them that today is the day of salvation. Don’t wait. While Max had time and opportunity, by the grace of God, to see his need and to respond, not everyone gets that kind of a chance. Life is a vapor, here today, gone tomorrow. Only God knows when our lives will end, so we must be ready when the time comes. I know that Max would tell you this if he could be here today.
I will see Max again. I look forward to the great family reunion we will have when time is no more. And we will laugh together "One more time" about Old Maid, roller coasters, and crab legs.
RSS Feed
