Blog Posts - Atypical Pastors Wife

Thankful November #6-God's Mercy is Not Generic

11/6/2022

This quote from a friend's Facebook page spoke to me. His grace truly is personal, situational, and concrete.

For the last couple of years I've been asking God, what are you trying to teach me? Please tell me so that I can learn it and move on to something easier! (Don't judge, we've all said it.)

This statement is it! He's been trying to tell me that everything I need, and I mean EVERYTHING, is found in Him and comes through Him. Every Christian says that they believe this but I found, in my own life, that God was not the person that I ran to first.

I would judge the situation based on past experience, the advice of a friend or someone that I knew had been where I was, the suggestions of a family member or a Pastor, or even "the experts" online. Then I would run it by the Lord giving Him a multiple-choice answer to pick from. It's no wonder that it took me so long to learn what God was trying to do. First, I had to learn to hear His voice.

To expedite this lesson, God put situations in my life that could only be solved by Him to force me to run to HIM, sit with HIM, listen to HIM, and TRUST HIM!

Some of the advice was unconventional, uncomfortable, and put me in a terribly vulnerable position that was downright terrifying, but He always came through in miraculous ways when I obeyed what He said.

God has a way of caring for us personally, in this time, in this specific situation, and in this place. His care is impeccable and His provision is perfect. We can trust Him, even if no one else agrees with what He said.

Today, I'm thankful that God's mercy is not generic!

We Interrupt The Regularly Scheduled Days of Thanks...

11/5/2022

Fall Foliage Follies continue. Now that the leaves of autumn are almost faded and fallen, we switched gears, just a bit, to check out some old Railroad Tunnels in the area. Tunnels are as close to spelunking as I get. I don't enjoy feeling trapped in a small space.

After exploring the tunnels, we took some time and walked the old rail trail. We were surprised that we never knew about all the trails, tunnels, and vistas that all around us. Finding them these last couple of years have been a source of wonder and awe for us both. Although the leaves of fall have just a few holdouts, there is still enough color to make a more subtle kind of beauty. Either way, it still takes my breath away!

Our intent was to travel from one tunnel to the next, which required, or course that we cross the mountain. Somehow, we ended up on a road that ran the ridge and promised us some vistas to see, and believe me, it did not disappoint!

And of course, we always see some oddities that we just don't understand. LOL! These houses were all within a few hundred yards of each other in a small town tucked away between two mountains. The only oddity I missed was a mailbox strategically placed along an un-maintained road, where only the brave, and those with trucks dare to go!

Of course, I would be remiss to not include a photo of my co-hort in adventure. He's the best! I'm especially happy that he didn't leave my oil pan up on the mountain as we took that road less traveled that the sign said was "Unmaintained." On one side was the rock wall of the mountain and on the other side was a sheer drop-off that went clear to the creek below. It got a little dicey when we encountered another vehicle and I was extremely thankful that he has been a bus driver for nearly 30 years and could drive a bus through a pin hole. He's also prayed up which added to my sense of security. The way he manuevered around jutting rocks was nothing less than impressive. And he has already found us a very competent chiropractor who we will probably be calling next week.

We stopped for dinner at an iconic restaurant just over the mountain from our house because honestly, they have the very best french fries you have ever eaten and the history of it fit right in with the railroad theme of the day. It used to be railroad station and still has the original ticket booth, flooring, and the scale in the floor used to weigh products from the train. Plus, the people there are just nice.

Our final stop was the car wash because after a day running the stone-mud-horse dung covered roads, in the rain, my truck was no longer it's beautiful color and we have to drive it to church tomorrow! All in all, it was, as usual, a lovely, lovely day!

Thankful November #5-From Where I'm Standing

11/5/2022

Thankful November #5

From where I'm standing, I can see forever! At least that's how it seemed as I stood on this vista to see the last of the season's leaves. Their season of beauty is finished. The evergreens seemed to wake from their summer slumber to stretch their limbs above the bare trees as if to say, Now, it's our season to shine!

From where I'm standing, I can see eternity! And eternity also will go on and on without end. And as lovely as this life on earth can be, one day I will fully awake in a glorified body, raise my arms up to God, and shine with the glory of Christ-Forever!

I look forward to these Fall days in the mountains with my hubby, but I look forward to my days on the new earth with Christ so, so, so, much more!

Today, I'm thankful for the beauty of this earth and the promise of the one to come.

Thankful November #4-My Buddy, Kai

11/4/2022

Today I’m thankful for my buddy, Kai.

We recently did something crazy! We adopted an 8 year old, 150 lb. dog. (Talk about adventures!) So now, we have 340 lbs. of dog in our 1160 sq. ft. house. We tried to talk each other out of doing it for SO many reasons, but this guy is special and somehow I always knew that we belonged together.

I am Kai’s person. If I’m home, he’s within inches of where I am. That is usually a good thing, but I must be honest, the guy sheds and farts a little too much. We’re working with it. (Can you say Yankee candles and Furminator?) On the up side, he is quite the conversation piece once people quit exclaiming that he’s the biggest dog they’ve ever seen, with the biggest feet they’ve ever seen, and the biggest head they’ve ever seen! Honestly, he does look like he’s half Shetland pony. What they don’t see is that he also has the biggest heart they’ve ever seen.

He’s never met a dog or person he didn’t like even little nippy dogs that are just eggin’ for a fight. Kai takes it all in stride and walks away as if they never existed. Seriously, if he ever got the notion, he could fit them in his mouth and you would never know they were in there. But he is happy to reserve all his chompin’ for Milk Bone Biscuits, Joint Chews, and the little leftovers we save for him from the dinner table. Kai is a low stress, slow movin’, gentle-giant, lovin’ machine.

He does cramp my style a little. He’s still learning the difference between books and chew toys, shoes and chew toys, deck rails and chew toys, well…you get the picture. I don’t leave him for too long for fear of what he might decide to chew but he’s learning that I will always come home to him and he’s getting better by the week.

In a lot of ways, he is a good example of 1 Corinthians 13 (except maybe the “not seeking its own” part if food is involved. Then it’s just every dog for itself. We’re all growing.) He is kind, humble, doesn’t act unbecomingly (except for the farts, but I don’t think he can help it), doesn’t take into account a wrong, bears all things, trusts, always perseveres (except on walks), and loves with all his big heart can muster.

The world needs more Kai’s in it.

Thankful November #3-Adventures

11/3/2022

Today, I am thankful for adventures.

Did you ever want to get out of the normal and do something exciting? That was me a few years ago when I quit my job. I was ready to do things that I had been waiting my whole life to do. Not that I had lofty goals, but there were places I wanted to see and things I wanted to experience. I was tired of reading about them and making the proverbial "bucket list."

So a few times a month I would tell my husband not to make plans for Saturday because we were going on an adventure. Sometimes I would tell him what it was, sometimes it was a surprise. Soon, he began to plan some adventures of his own. It was no surprise when this past summer we packed my truck full of snacks and headed out for a totally unplanned 12 day adventure that took us to 11 states, too many museums to count, beautiful mountain ranges, and visits with old friends. When we finished at one place, we would grab a snack and say, Well, where to next? Honestly, we didn't want to come home.

Life can be so full of trials and troubles that consume us and steal our sense of adventure.Yet, life with God can be our greatest adventure. In Isaiah, the Lord is pleading with Israel to leave their wicked ways and return to Him. They had chosen a life without God and were suffering. He told them that life would be good if they would just obey His commands and walk according to His instruction. He told them:

58:11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Of all the adventures I've been on in the last couple of years, I can truly say that life with God has been the grandest adventure of them all! I've seen miracles, felt His power and presence in my life, experienced His comfort and peace in unbearable situations, lived in and by His faithfulness, and I have His promise that my greatest adventure still lies ahead. It just doesn't get any better than this!

November #2-God Laughs

11/2/2022

Thankful November #2

Evidently, I have not conquered the scheduler for this page! LOL! I must pay more attention!

When I was small and people said something to me that scared me, I would run to my dad and tell him. My dad was a tall, athletic type with big hands and strong arms. When I would tell him what so-and-so said, he would laugh at the ridiculousness of their threats and reassure me that he would never allow that to happen and if it did, he would take care of it. As I would sit there feeling his belly shake as he laughed, I would start laughing too, and soon, we were both laughing and my fears would dissipate into the wind. Science knows little about the mechanics of laughter except that it is healthy for you. I believe it is part of the God image we received at creation.
So today, I am thankful that God laughs.

When the devil plans and plots against the children of God, Psalm 2:4 tells us that “He who sits in the heavens laughs.” For His enemies, it is a terrifying sound, but oh, for His children, it is the most reassuring sound in the world. You see, God takes the care and safety of His children seriously. He is, after all, the perfect Father. And He has an uncanny way of taking what the devil means for harm and turning it around for our good. Do you believe it?

So when you are having a hard day, when you feel that no one is looking out for you, when you feel that the latest onslaught of the enemy is going to destroy you, take it to your Heavenly Father and then listen. You will hear Him laughing at the ignorance of your enemy and pretty soon, His laughter will be contagious and you will be able to laugh too.

Seriously, God is powerful and that power is fully focused on taking care of you. Scripture tells us that there is a time for laughter and that although we may weep now, we will laugh, oh how we will laugh!

(Photo is my husband and my grandson laughing together.)

Thankful November #1- Seasons

11/1/2022

Thankful November #1

The season, regrettably, is changing again.

I love the colors, and the smell of walnut tree oils filling the air with an earthy aroma;
the sun shining so brightly on the leaves that if I listened closely, I might hear them sing; the sounds of crunching leaves, and the laughter of children jumping in them;
the wind swirling the leaves in airy crescendos and decrescendos as if they were heavenly ocean waves; the clouds burning in the sky at sunrise and sunset like no other time of the year.
Ecclesiastes 3 says:
1There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven--
2 A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.

Some of my life seasons have been fraught with challenges, uncertainty, and change. They haven’t been comfortable. Yet I know that they are ordained of God for my growth and to draw me closer to Him. I’m learning to look for Him in every season.

Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Commentary says, “all things below are vain, and happiness is not to be found in them, because of their great uncertainty, and mutability, and transitoriness, and because they are so much out of the reach and power of men, and wholly in the disposal of another, to wit, God, who doth either give or take them away, either sweeten or embitter them, as it pleaseth him; and partly, to bring the minds of men into a quiet and cheerful dependence upon God’s providence, and submission to his will, and a state of preparation for all events.

So today, I am thankful for the seasons:
Thankful seasons, confusing seasons, heartbreaking seasons, and stretching seasons because I know that my loving God is in the middle of them ALL!
Goodbye, my autumn. I will miss you!

Fall Foliage Follies 2022

10/8/2022

My phone dinged in the middle of the week. It was my husband texting me with a possible Fall Folliage Follies Trip #1 itinerary and I exhuberantly said "YES!". The day started with breakfast at our favorite Americana Diner where the wait staff wear t-shirts that say things like "Stand for the flag, Kneel at the Cross", and "I'm working my butt off to support those who won't work." Besides the food and the pie (yes, we had dessert with breakfast), being delicious, the atmosphere and the clientele just add that "God, guns, & guts" kind of feeling. In the land of Egolf heritage are quite a few "country kin." Please also take notice of my handsome breakfast partner.

My partner in fun!

I adore the decor!

This totally cracked me up.

After breakfast we drove to the Flight 93 National Memorial. I had always wanted to go there but didn't think that my hubs would, but it was his idea (perhaps he remembered me saying that I'd like to go there sometime), so I was thrilled to get the chance to go. Besides it being an absolutely beautiful place, the thought and dignity and honor displayed throughout the entire memorial, from the monuments to the museum and all the way down to the walkway construction was a tremendous tribute to the 40 people on Flight 93 who gave their lives so that many others could live. I'm not a fan of crying on our adventures, but today brought many tears to my eyes as I looked into the faces of those heroes and remembered.

Truly, one moment a regular field to the next moment, a field of honor. The plane rested just in front of the boulder.

The end of their mission-to lay down their lives for friends they will never meet. Even the gate is carved in 40 angles, one for every life lost.

The gray walkway throughout shows the pathway of the plane as it flew to it's resting place.

The part of the memorial that touched me the most was the Tower of Voices. The photo with the explanation of it's construction and meaning is well worth the read and represents the extraordinary thought, gratitude and honor the people of Flight 93 deserve. As we exited the car, we briefly heard the chimes as the wind blew through the tower. Not only was it magnificent to look at, it will be an eternal reminder of what happened there.

As many of you know, we are the spontaneous type so if, in our travels, we pass anything that looks like it might be of interest, we stop. As we traveled down Rt. 30, we drove over Mt. Ararat but didn't find Noah's Ark. However, we did see some beautiful scenery.

And in Perhaps the most intersting and thrilling thing for my hubs was the discovery of this old church on Rt. 30. It was built in 1806 and was surrounded by a huge graveyard. As you know, on one of our former trips, we stumbled across a road and a park named after the Egolf family. We had heard that there was a working farm in the area that was owned by some Egolfs, and we knew that they had settled there. While exploring an old library, and quite by accident, we discovered that the Egolf that the park was named after owned and ran the newpaper in Bedford before he died. And on another occaision we ran acrossed the Egolf farmhouse and barn that is now part of Old Bedfore Village.

As we drove through the graveyard approaching the church, we noticed an Egolf headstone marker. In fact, we discovered quite a few. In actuallity, we found, quite by accident (providence?) the graves of the original Egolfs and most of their families. Darrell was thrilled! I don't know what our propensity is for graveyards but they always seem to yield something that is fascinating and interesting to us. And in case anyone is wondering, there was no outhouse involved.

There was also a memorial to all those who have died as a result of the Global War on Terror. Although it's in it's very beginnings as a landmark, but flags that represent each life reminded us that there are still Americans who are willing to do what it takes to keep us safe, even to the point of giving their lives in the line of duty and it gave us hope for our country.

Now with any trip, there are always some oddities that are...well...they just are. I'll leave you to form your own opinions. Thanks for traveling with us!

Times Are A-changin'

5/13/2022

So much has changed in my life in the last couple of years, well who am I kidding, everything has changed.

I am not working anymore except from home. I spend my days hiking, taking photos, writing, and doing as little housework as humanly possible.

My husband is no longer in the ministry except for the days he fills in for others. Our routine has totally changed, for the better. Life is more relaxed and less cluttered. We are happier.

We do not own a lawn business anymore. I can't praise God enough for this! The sun screen business will surely suffer, so if you're not wearing sunscreen, start! The skin lotion companies, however, are enjoying my search for a cream that will erase 16 years of constant sun. I'm thinking of trying leather lotion next.

I have lost 3 members of my immediate family in the last 4 years. Some went too soon, others were expected, but all were loved and are greatly missed and mourned.

We've gained 4 grandchildren. Lucky #7 was a girl, finally! Another pinky power girl for Pappy!

Almost all the friends I thought would be my friends for life have been replaced by new friends. Although this has been hard, I have seen the faithfulness and provision of God through it all and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world. I've learned a lot about life, about what true friendship is, about myself, and I've experienced God as a friend that sticks closer than a brother. The lessons have been hard but the outcomes have been wonderful!

Just when I think that I have faced Goliath and won, I realize that the last struggle was only the lion or the bear and the calm, mundane, life eludes me once again. Perhaps that is a pipedream anyway. Like Roseann Rosannadanna used to say, "It's always somethin'." And it is! Fortunately I have learned to truly trust and to REST in God, no matter what life brings my way. As He so poignantly taught me, "Do not be anxious about ANYTHING" and "Do not worry about tomorrow." It takes total trust in God to do this and the last couple of years have shown me that up until now, I wasn't totally trusting God, which is unbelief, which is sin. When I dealt with my anxiety as a sin and unbelief issue, God took it completely away!

I'm still blogging and working on a few other projects, but I yearn for more directed focus, more direction, and a more organized vision. I'm considering branching out into other areas as well and I'm waiting on the Lord's instruction. He is leading me slowly step by step.

I'm decluttering. My goal is to be able to put all of my personal in a medium sized cardboard box so when I'm dead, whoever is left can just take it to take to the dump and be done with it...except my clothes, my earrings (they require a box all by themselves, LOL) and my books. My journals will make good kindling for the fire pit. The rest can go in the book bin for the big book sale in May.

I'm re-thinking this blog. I'm thinking that I will narrow it's focus, rename it, or shut it down altogether. So I'm asking you, the ones who faithfully read it, (minus those of you who are just stalking for information-please, just get a life) to reply and tell me what type posts have helped you the most in your walk with God, what posts do you just enjoy reading, what don't you like about it? I've considered a devotional type blog, a truthbomb blog (not for the faint of heart or the easily offended), a memoir type blog full of the revelations I've received in my Christian walk and the miracles I've seen, or a Bible study type blog where I will go more in depth, i.e. as in depth as I am capable of.

If I just keep the blog the way it is, would you like more travel posts, devotional type posts, in-depth study posts, more memoir type posts, more "my opinion" posts complete with my own brand of humor and sarcasm, or do you like it just the way it is. What about my blog keeps you coming back? What do you wish I would change or omit?

If you feel inclined, reply below please. If you don't reply, then I'll just take that as a shut it down altogether vote. And I'm fine with that as well. Thanks for the help!

Nearer, Clearer, Dearer

1/31/2022

If I had a theme for 2022, this would be it.

Nearer. There are so many things I don't know about God that He wants me to know. There are things in His Word that I don't see in my life, yet I know that Jesus bought and paid for me to have them. I want them. I do not want to waste one drop of precious Blood and have it be unfruitful in my life. And rather than explain away what I don't yet understand with conclusions that aren't even in the Bible, I am willing to admit that something isn't right. And I also know that the problem does not lie with God. He has not changed. What was available for every other person in history is available for me. Somewhere, somehow, there is either something I am doing, not doing, or missing that causes these discrepancies. So I must draw nearer to Him so that He can speak and I can hear. How do I do that?

If you want something different in your life, you have to change what you're doing. How do I draw near to God? I draw near through prayer and the Word. I meet God in the secret place, that place where all earthly distractions are turned off and tuned out. It is there that He teaches me and reveals His heart, plan and wisdom to me.

I'm not talking about taking Him a laundry list. I'm not even talking about all the things that I want to know of Him. I'm talking about going to Him and quieting myself and letting Him speak to me and give to me from His list! He knows what I need before I do. He knows what I need to fulfill His purpose for my life. He knows what will allow me closer access to Him and as I receive these things from Him, life just makes more sense.

So I have committed to spend more time with God just listening. Oh, how I love when He speaks to me. And He will speak if I listen with my whole being. I'm spending multiple times during the day in prayer and reading. This is what I know to do. My house will surely suffer. I'll be wearing a little more dog hair than usual. I'll be turning down offers from friends more often but this is burning in my heart. I must draw nearer to Him. Daniel prayed three times a day and remember what God did for him?

Clearer. When I make these changes and I draw closer to the light of God's countenance, I begin to see clearer. Not just God but myself. Then I learn what it is that is keeping from me all that God desires to see manifested in my life. I know that I will see things about God as He becomes clearer, but more importantly I see the hidden sins, the wrong attitudes, and the areas of doubt and unbelief.

I have 20/40 vision. I don't need glasses to drive or read or do most things. But, when I put my glasses on, things become crystal clear. I can live without glasses and never really notice that I'm not seeing perfectly-until I put them on. It's then I see all the things I am missing. Even though I may see what I'm looking at, my glasses bring everything nearer, thus making them clearer. I see in greater detail what I was missing without them. I see things as they really are. When I acknowledge that I am needy, when I am willing to abandon and relinquish all of my brokenness and give it to Him as He shows it to me, it is then that His plan, His knowledge and wisdom become clearer to me and they begin to work in my life.

In this time, God is revealing more of Calvary to me. I am learning to really know and understand what I've professed to know my whole Christian life. It's so easy to say we understand Calvary and all that happened there, but if our understanding does not make Christ Himself, His person, the dearest thing to us, then we have missed it somewhere along the way. And as I've sought the Lord about this in my own life, God has opened my eyes to many truths that I could have stated before but which were not reality to me in a practical, living way.

Every Christian who has prayed the sinner's prayer will say that they believe that Jesus died for their sins. That's knowledge but until we really have a revelation of our sins and the sin nature, until we understand the great cost of our sin, Calvary will not mean a whole lot to us. You see, the new covenant blessings that we all seek are found in His Blood. We receive nothing from God unless it flows through Calvary. This makes His death, which rescued me very precious.

We had a car accident and after the children were all released from the hospital, I traveled back to the fire station to thank the paramedics that had saved the lives of our children. As soon as I saw them, I burst into tears of gratitude as I hugged each one and said thank you, over and over again. Even today, the thought of what they did brings tears to my eyes. So how much more should thoughts of Jesus bring tears to our eyes. How much more should we sit at the foot of His blood stained cross and say thank you, over and over again. Those paramedics saved my children when I could not, but Jesus did something that no man in heaven or on earth could do and it saved us all from death! Without Him, we would be headed to a devil's hell for all eternity.

I meet so many who only see Jesus as the starting point. Yea, Jesus died for my sins, but I have moved on from there now and into the realm of the Holy Spirit and His works. If you are one of those people then your profession is really little more than a life assurance policy. Fire insurance. And it is not valid! If Calvary does not mean everything to us, if the person of Christ, not just what He stands for, is not what we are seeking and running toward, we have a selfish, skewed view that will cause our entire Christian life to get of course at some point. This is why we do not have all that Jesus died to give us. We must seek Him, not just what we can get from Him. When we get in His presence, everything else that we need will be found there as well.

Dearer. As I draw nearer and I see clearer, I realize all the ways that I have missed God, misinterpreted His Word, undervalued His Son, or just plain didn't know things that I needed to know. As He opens these things up to me, I see myself how He sees me. When I honestly look at my faults and failings, I could become discouraged but instead I realize that He is showing these things to me so that He can take them and replace them with what He desired to be there all along. When I realize that there is nothing in me that could ever be worthy of His love or attention, when I acknowledge that only what is of the Spirit is accepted by Him, then I am in awe to realize that He is always waiting for me in that secret place for me. How could He not be the person that is dearest to my heart, the one I long to know all about? All the other added benefits pale in comparison to just knowing Him. Then it really isn't about some cliché concerning religion, it's about relationship, for real!

It's so easy to slip into religion without even realizing it. We lump Christ in with so many other things-the things we want from Him, the things we do for Him, the things that subconsciously we believe will somehow make us deserving of Him. All He wants is for us to know Him, to love Him and to desire Him. He just wants to come to us in the cool of the day and talk with us as He did with Adam and Eve. He had already provided everything for them, yet He desired to visit with them so that they could know Him more. And they desired that too.

In our upside down world, we need more than ever to know God! The fate of souls depends on it. The deception of evil demands it. And God Himself desires it above all else. That's what I want too!

I Said Goodbye

1/1/2022

The year 2021 has come to an end. What a year!

I bought a new vehicle.
I had Covid...again!
I started writing and taking photos after a few years of disinterest.
I gained weight.
I lost weight.
I stayed the same.

It'd hard to let go of some things, even negative things. They have been a part of me for so long but now I have the courage and faith to believe that I can lay them down and they will stay where I leave them.

God has been speaking to me about words, trust, and faith.
He's challenging me to believe that I can trust what He speaks to me.
That He is able.
That He is trustworthy.
That He is powerful.
To believe what He said and to put the full responsibility of the fulfillment of it squarely on His shoulders.
To leave it alone. He doesn't need my help. He doesn't need the world's way of wisdom. He doesn't even need the churches way of wisdom.
He is all knowing wisdom.
He speaks so that I can rest and trust and flourish.

I've witnessed so many miracles this last year. Stories almost too wonderful to tell.
Healing stories.
Redemption stories.
Grace-filled stories.
Words to write about as a memorial to the Holy places I have been in 2021 so that future generations will know that God has not changed.

How I love the voice of God. I love how He drops things into my heart when I'm not even really paying attention. When I just decide to listen for Him, He's always there. He's always speaking.

Collateral Damage

12/30/2021

Sometimes life catches us up in something that we don't want and can't control. We become the victims of other people's bad choices and it's devastating, blindsiding us and taking the wind right out of our lungs. We spend our days consciously reminding ourselves to breathe. And when the fog clears and we realize where we are, there's no getting out of it except to walk through it to an uncertain end. We can't tell from where we stand if the light ahead is daylight or the final fire that will forever consume all that we've held dear.

It all seems so unfair, especially when we were not consulted about how this might affect us before it happened. We certainly wouldn't have chosen it or allowed it had we known. We were just the collateral damage and we are left laying in a pile of dust that was once our heart, doubting that we can ever be put back together again. We are taken hostage by something no amount of ransom can fix. Time stands still in stubborn defiance. All of our days, thoughts and prayers are focused on that one thing and we feel as if we've been robbed of our dreams and our future.

To add insult to injury, we are judged because we are in this situation at all, as if we were somehow complicit in what happened. We are lumped in with the guilty parties because others refuse to believe that this could have happened with us totally unaware, even if it did. Their words and their silence cut deep into our gaping wounds causing us to bleed even more.

We notice the stares and the hushed conversations when we see people we know across the restaurant. We watch as people avoid us in the grocery aisle. We hate the awkward silence when we strike up a conversation that we so desperately need because we just want to feel normal for a few minutes. We lose friends and the respect of others through no fault of our own. Worse yet, we lose our own self respect. Actually, we totally lose ourselves. We don't know who we are anymore because everything we thought we were has now disappeared into a lonely, black hole. The people we would look to for support act so awkwardly that we assume they are judging us and found us lacking, when all we really need is for someone to remind us of who we are.

We second guess ourselves trying to make sense of it all and end up worse off. We are desperate to get out of it but there is no way out, no escape hatch. We are imprisoned by our circumstances and life, as we knew it, comes to a dead stop.

We are the innocent victim, the one left caught in the loop that tightens around us in the midst of chaos, slowly squeezing the life out of us. And so we stand, ill prepared and stunned. We are numb and at the same time in pain so intense we wonder how we are still breathing at all. Nothing makes sense. We feel nothing. We feel everything and everything hurts. Our character is attacked. Our history is maligned and we wish that we had never existed at all. And all the while we look forward to a future that is as fluid as the tears that fall and as unpredictable.

There's no sure footing. There's no place of rest. The tunnel we face is long and dark. There's nothing certain or stable for us to cling to, to look to or to hope for. We are drowning in darkness. Tears flow as freely and as long as the river after the spring thaw and we wonder if they will every stop or if we will just be swept away and forgotten. Then the tears stop but the pain continues and we wish that we could cry just one tear because it might just briefly remind us that we are still alive.

We are hurt at the injustice of it all. We are angry at the cruelty of it. We wonder how such evil could exist in our world. We are helpless to know what the next step is. Most steps we try to take leave us falling back into desperation. We believe that this is our reality now. This is how life will be until death mercifully takes us to our eternal reward.

Yet God is there. He has not left us. He is not the author of the undeserved shame that we feel. He is the one that sees the end from the beginning. He sees every pain, every tear. He is the one that helps us to breathe and to believe that eventually, everything is going to work out. We will have "normal" days again. We will laugh again. We will find purpose in life again. We will feel loved again. His Word is the only thing that helps us make sense of our situation. We may not like what it reveals but at least He doesn't leave us wandering in confusion and lost in a fog of pain. The only sure footing that we have is knowing that if we will follow close to Him, He will direct our paths. He keeps every tear in a bottle and treasures the vulnerability it took for us to shed them in His presence. He knows our hearts, our minds and our motives. He hears our honest words and He is pleased to answer. And as we pray for a merciful ending to our pain, we know that He will be with us every step of the way.

So as cruel as this world is, He is kind. As judgmental, vindictive and ugly as the world is, He is loving and beautiful. Even when those who claim to know Him reject us, He takes us into His loving arms. He is our defense. He is our reward. He is the one who heals us. He is enough. He is everything.

Thankful November Day 28-Memorials & Memoirs

11/28/2021

Over the last couple of years, I've had the opportunity to travel throughout PA and learn of its history. Many of those trips involved visiting memorials. Memorials recount a person or an event that had significant meaning. Without them, much would be lost. Included in some of the museums that we visited, there were also memoirs, written by observers or that were actual autobiographical accounts.

As a child, I loved family reunions. One of the highlights was when activities were dying down, everyone would gather and share their own oral memoirs-i.e. stories of family history and events. Hearing them gave me pride, (most of the time LOL), and a sense of where I had come from-a foundation of sorts. How I wish that I had written them down because the tellers are mostly dead and many accounts have been lost.

God saw the importance of memorials and memoirs in scripture. Many times altars or memorials were built in places where sacred events took place. The Bible is a book of historical events that have brought us to where we are. Its pages give us a sense of where we come from. It is a foundation for where we are and a roadmap for where we are going. In the times in which we live, it couldn't be more valuable to me as I navigate my ever changing life.

For years I have journaled, catching my thoughts, reactions and milestones on paper. It's not the most exciting reading but perhaps someday it will give my children and their children some understanding into where they have come from and what their heritage is.

Perhaps the most telling memoir can be found in my Bible. Beside certain scriptures there are dates and a recollection of what that verse meant at the time. They are the reach-out-and-slap-you-in-the-face ones that God used to really get a message to me that I desperately needed at the time. I love that every answer I need can be found in scripture. There's nothing like God talking to you through His Word. It just grabs you on the inside and you feel your spirit gaining ground.

Those are the things we should never forget. They are the things that we go back and re-read when life is hard and we once again need a definite answer from God. They build faith and confidence to ask and receive in prayer.

Just a few I have marked are:
~the first time God spoke to me directly through his Word as a young Christian
~the day God promised this barren woman that I would become a Mamma
~the day that God told me I was getting a job that the interviewer said I wasn't getting
~several verses regarding childbirth with each child I carried including one that promised me a baby that the doctor said I lost. She goes to church with me every Sunday.

There are many, many more and each time I come upon them in my reading, I re-live the faithfulness, power, and promises of God to in my life personally. They are like candles that shone in a dark place that led me along the path of life. His Word is truly a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. I love His Word. I love His voice. I love that He gives me stories to remember and pass on to the next generation.

Today I am thankful for memorials and memoirs.

Thankful November Day 27-Eternal Perspective

11/27/2021

Did you watch the Penn State/Michigan State Football game? How about the Penn State/LSU game? How are you feeling? Frustrated? Sad? Mad? Is there a dark cloud hanging over your head? Our Happy Valley is not so happy today. So close, but no cigar. Mostly due to poor coaching decisions and lack of depth. Fortunately, my future is not hanging in my ability to win victories! Not in the natural and not in the spiritual realm either.

We have an enemy, but our commander is greater! The enemy makes plans but the Lord destroys them. He causes us always to triumph through Christ, who won the victory over our enemy on Calvary. Does that mean that we never have a contest, that we will never have need to step on the battlefield? NO! Even though the battle of Jericho was pre-determined, Israel had to march around for 7 days in obedience to the Lord's instruction. But they were already promised the land so their victory was already secured, their history already written. Gideon was promised victory but he still had to gather an army and show up for the battle. I love when the Bible tells of the many ways that God would confound the enemy and cause them to turn on themselves while Israel stood and watched.

God knows the end from the beginning and when He chooses to let us in on that, we must also be like Israel. We must obey His instruction. We must show up to the battle prepared to use the weapons that we have been given to wage war and win! We must leave the details and the timing up to Him without losing faith in the midst of the battle. And we must keep the end in our eye's view.

In the last couple of years, God laid some things on my heart. Then He confirmed what He had spoken to me in several different ways, just so that I would know for sure that He said them. Yet still, in the midst of the battle, I was tempted to listen to instructions and earthly wisdom other than what He had spoken because it appeared that I was losing on all sides. But when I would get alone with God and He would speak those things again, I would remember to believe Him, no matter what. God does not go back on His Word. He said to me over and over again, "Remember what I said at first! That is what I'm going to do."

We can't always explain why things happen. Some things will never make any sense. And that's okay. If God has spoken about them, then that is all we need to know and that is where our thoughts need to be centered as we stand and see the Lord work out His Word in His way and in His time. And no matter how bad things may get here, this is not the end.

We are not of this world. We're just passing through. Our home is in a whole other Kingdom. Once God's plan for earth is complete and we enter into the fullness of eternity, all that we experienced, accomplished, and suffered here on earth will be no more than a blink of an eye. There is something beyond what we could ever imagine waiting for us there. Something good!

So when I face things in life, I stop and ask myself if this will affect eternity. Do I need to take up my sword and go to the battle or is this really not going to be important in the end? Oh how much worry and stress and discontentment we would save ourselves if we did this. When it comes down to it, the only thing that matters in this world is souls and the Word of God.

I don't know about you but thinking about eternity comforts me. Everything there will be right and perfect and beautiful. It will be beyond my wildest dream. And it will last forever! And that makes what I face here on earth seem a little less daunting. God is with me now and I will be with Him forever! There is coming a culmination day when I will stand in front of the Lord Jesus Christ and He will say to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Enter into my rest." Oh, what a day that will be!

Today, I am thankful for an eternal perspective.

Thankful November Day 26-Hope

11/26/2021

Thanksgiving Day was a mixed bag for me. So many things were good-good food, food family, good fun! There were 4 generations present. That hasn't happened in awhile. Great grandsons got to meet their great grandmother, uncle and great aunt for the first time. Others renewed their relationship with them after the long covid break. The cousins had a time, overdosing on Scotcharoos, running all the sugar off outside playing with nerf guns, and culminating in a rousing, rambunctious and hilarious game of Pie in the Face.

Sadly, some were missing. My father-in-law, my sister-in-law, and a grandson were missing. My father-in-law has stepped into his eternal reward. The others were missing because we live in a sinful, dysfunctional world which seems to be most impactful for me around the holiday season. No matter how full the day may seem, there's a little emptiness that just can't be filled.

It's then we turn to hope. There is an earthly hope. We "hope" that things will change and work out for the best. We "hope" that next year everyone can be there. We "hope" that situations and circumstances and people will be different. We hope that Penn State will win a football game. My grandson "hoped" that he wouldn't get pie in the face. We "hope."

For me, love is what keeps hope alive. Even when love hurts, it causes us to hope, and dream... and pray. Prayers are what give wings to hope as they ascend to a Father who is the Great Redeemer, the God of Impossibility, the All-mighty one, the one who can make our hopes reality. And as our hopes reach Heaven's gates, the Father looks to see if they are fueled by faith. And if they are, then hope is no longer tentative. At that moment, they become an answer. When prayers are according to God's Will ( found in His Word) and are filled with faith in the One who spoke that Word, then hope becomes surety. And surety becomes sight. And sight becomes reality. And reality becomes a dream come true, those dreams that were born in hope.

I have hope that I will see my father-in-law again. There's not a doubt in my mind. I have hope that circumstances here on earth will change as I pray and believe that God will accomplish His will in each situation. I've seen Him do it so many times when "hope" and a dream were all I had. When my hopes traveled on nothing more than a wing and a faith-filled prayer. I know God is able. I know God is willing. I know that He will. There is nothing touching me that is hopeless if I will put my trust in the Lord.

Ps 42:11 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

Today, I am thankful for (the God Kind of) hope

Thankful November Day 24- Fullness

11/24/2021

Now you are probably thinking that I'm talking about Thanksgiving Dinner, right? Not really.

Too many people these days are so busy. If you ask them how they are, they are always busy, harried, rushed and in a hurry running from one errand to another, from one project to another, from one goal to another. Gone are the days of just dropping by someone's house to visit. Now you have to schedule weeks in advance.

I got into the busy trap. I had three kids in diapers and one in middle school. My husband was working two jobs and away in meetings a lot in the evening. I was his proverbial errand boy on top of taking care of the kids. Twice a day I would bundle the three little ones up in snow suits, boots, hats and mittens and put them in their car seats. That took half an hour. Then I would drive 5 minutes to the school to either drop my oldest off or pick her up. I was also teaching close to 20 piano lessons a week. I was always "busy!" Busy became a negative lifestyle to me and I found myself complaining and whining a lot of the time.

So I made a decision. Instead of thinking that I was busy, I decided to look at my life as full instead. I still did the same things but with a different attitude. Busyness made me negative. Fullness impliec blessing and contentment so when I thought of my life as full, I felt a sense of purpose and blessing. At the end of the day, I could look back at all I had gotten done instead of regretting all that I didn't get done, like I did when I saw my days as busy. I could pray in the morning and ask the Lord to fill my day. When I laid down at night, I could rest in the knowledge that He had and that He was pleased. It made a huge difference for me.

Busyness was often self-imposed or culture imposed responsibilities that presented themselves as necessity. Fullness was whatever God decided to fill my time with. Fullness allowed me to trust God's timing in everything and to believe that I had walked in His timing for my day.

God always has a plan and in the fullness of time, He brings seasons into our lives for us to walk through. He is always in control. He knows what He is doing. They may be busier than the season before and for that there is grace and strength to endure. They may be slower seasons that cause us to wonder if we are missing His plan or being lazy, but we can rest knowing that He has a plan and in the fullness of His time, everything will make sense. And we will be grateful. What a peaceful way to live. Walking with God. Living life in the fullness He provides, whatever that may look like. And being content.

Today I am thankful for fullness.

Thankful November Day 23-When Jesus Bargained With God

11/23/2021

I'm not sure when this happened. Perhaps from the foundation of the world. But at some point in history, God and Jesus made a covenant with each other. In that covenant God asked His Son to come to earth in human flesh and fulfill the law culminating in the sacrifice of His own life to satisfy the wrath of God on sin. God promised that He would hold Jesus's hand and lead him through every second. He promised that the Devil would not be able to get to him and destroy him.

In agreeing with this, Jesus made one stipulation. He told the Father He would do what God was asking as long as what He would accomplish in human flesh, by the Spirit of God, would also apply to His seed, i.e. His spiritual seed. That's you and me and every person that puts their faith in Jesus Christ for salvation.

This revelation was received by the Apostle Paul and is what he fought so strenuously for his entire ministry because the revelation of the New Covenant is the source of victorious living for every believer and the devil has and is working hard to dilute and twist it. He understands that if believers truly understood this, they would be unstoppable.

Paul listed all the things he had accomplished in his flesh. He was "circumcised the eighty day...a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness which is in the Law, found blameless. We all know people who do the same thing today. In fact, I'm sure we all have done this at one time in our Christian walk. I know I have. And yet, in all of my perceived spirituality, I was giving myself some of the credit, which is flesh. Flesh will always fail, no matter how strong the resolve may be.

Paul dismissed all of this as "putting confidence in the flesh." BUT whatever things were gain to me, these things I have counted as loss because of Christ." He told the Corinthians "for I have determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified." He understood that there is NOTHING of our flesh that pleases God, but if we are IN Christ, then we also receive the benefits and promises established by the covenant Jesus made with the Father. Not because of anything about us, not because of anything we did or are doing, but simply because we are found IN Christ.

So, believer, if you struggle with a sin or addiction of some kind, if you think that every time you sin, God erases your name out of the Book of Life and that He's done it so many times, there is a hole in the space where your name used to be, listen up! Just as God held the hand of Jesus and led Him through His life in human flesh, He will do the same for you! When your flesh tries to lead you into sin, reach out and grab God's hand and see yourself IN Christ and remember that God, through the Holy Spirit is making you into the kind of person that you need to be. There is nothing you can do but yield, trust and believe. Then rest in His love for you.

Religious activity will not benefit you if it is not first birthed in you by the Holy Spirit. Therefore it remains an outworking of what the Spirit has wrought on the inside of you. Too many Christians have this backwards. They think that reading the Bible and praying, along with community service and evangelism will change them on the inside but it won't. I'm not advocating not doing these things. I read my Bible and pray every day. What I'm getting at is that your efforts do nothing to change you. That is the Spirit's job. Your only responsibility is to yield in faith to Christ. It's so simple, it's almost too hard to believe. It takes the Spirit to reveal it to you.

Every evening, my husband and I pile into bed and find a good sermon on YouTube to listen to. This sermon by David Wilkerson presents this so clearly and is something every believer should hear. This message is something I desperately needed and it has been revolutionary to my spiritual life. It has brought my knowledge into reality living. I've spent the last year or so growing in my understanding and it just keeps getting better and better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GS6EGiFOkk

Today I am thankful for the New Covenant.

Thankful November Day 22-God had a Tree

11/22/2021

In our Pastor's sermon today, he quoted an excerpt from Max Lucado's book, Let The Journey Begin. It read:

"God is for you. Turn to the sidelines; that's God cheering your run. Look past the finish line; that's God applauding your steps. Listen for him in the bleachers, shouting your name. Too tired to continue? He'll carry you. Too discouraged to fight? He's picking you up. God is for you. God is for you. Had he a calendar, your birthday would be circled. If he drove a car, your name would be on his bumper. If there's a tree in heaven, he's carved your name in the bark. We know he has a tattoo, and we know what it says. 'I have written your name on my hand,' he declares (isa. 49:16)." "

Although I appreciated the sentiment, a thought immediately struck me. God did have a tree! He hung Jesus there. And God carved my name on His Son.

In my mind, I pictured my name carved in the skin of Jesus. As the blood flowed from that wound, my name got bolder and bolder. Eventually there was so much blood that it flowed down to the ground, covering my name as it went. My name was gone. My sin died with Him and was washed away by His sacrifice. Thanks be to God!

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Today, I am thankful that God had a tree.

Thankful November Day 19&20-Spiritual Heritage

11/21/2021

It's been three days since I posted. Some might think I'm slacking, but I'm not. You see, I was without a computer because we were away visiting.

Three days from now will mark the one year anniversary of my father-in-law's passing. It will be our 2nd Thanksgiving without him and he is just as missed this year as he was last year. If you are not familiar with his life you can read about him here:
https://atypicalpastorswife.weebly.com/noise-from-the-barnyard/sorrow-on-sorrow-thoughts-on-passing

For the last year, we have devoted at least one weekend a month to visiting my mother-in-law and my husband's aunt whom I warmly refer to "our ladies." They are in their 80s but there are no other people alive that we would rather visit with. We look so forward to being with them. It's not just that we get to eat pizza late at night, or feast at the local buffet, or buy yummy cinnamon jelly beans. It's much, much more than that.

These two women have lived life with the Lord. They prayed my sorry self into the Kingdom of God. They fasted until I got right and I will be eternally grateful. Their experiences, insights, revelations, and correction when we need it, are invaluable. At the sign of trouble, my first call is to them. Their prayers are powerful and they've learned to persist in patience and faith. Many times my husband's aunt has kept my feet on level ground when I just wanted to dig a hole and die. I felt this way about my father-in-law as well and begged the Lord to let him stay on earth but it was not to be.

I have determined to not have regrets where my spiritual heritage is concerned. When I get the opportunity, I pick their brains concerning scripture and what they've experienced as Pentecostal believers through the years. I ask them what God is teaching them now. Their answers are so rich and deep. You see, my husband is a 3rd generation Pentecostal. First hand stories have been passed down through the family almost from the very beginning of Pentecostalism in the United States. It's a testament of who God is and what He could do if we would let Him. I feel that I could never fill their shoes, but I desire to have their mantel in the Lord. I pray that the residue of who they are will settle on my life.

These last days will require for believers to be at their very best because deception will be strong and many will be destroyed, even the elect. So the days we spend recalling the works of God, the salvations they've witnessed, the supernatural events they saw and experienced, the deliverances they've seen are so valuable to me. There is also so much laughter and love as we go on adventures together, eat together, and yes, even nap together. (They wear us young ins out!)

Even today, we realize that some day, we will go visit their grave marker, as we did my father-in-law's just yesterday. But we won't be crying because we wish that we had spent more time together. We will cry because we miss them. We will cry because we are grateful for all that they poured into our lives. And we will laugh as we remember the stories they told and the adventures we had with them. But most of all, we will carry their lives in our hearts and they will spur us on in hope, encouragement, and love until we all meet again, this time never to say goodbye.

(The photo is of my father-in-laws tombstone. May the same be said of me when I'm gone).

Today I am thankful for my spiritual heritage.

Thankful November Day 18-Water

11/18/2021

Today I'm thankful for water. That might sound weird but right now, we don't have any! There is a break in the water line so we will be without water until this afternoon sometime. I'm prepared though. There are buckets of water in the bath tub for flushing, water in pitchers on the counter for drinking and water in my canner for cooking, should I need it. My philosophy is that I should just make today a skip-the-gym-shop-til-you-drop-eat-out kind of day. Of course, I'm not much of a shopper but I do have a buddy who LOVES to eat, no matter where it is so maybe he'll help me out.

There are so many things that come mind when I think of water. It is essential to life. Our bodies are up to 60% water. There is nothing so refreshing as submerging yourself in cool water on a hot summer day or drinking cold water after a workout. It's rejuvenating, refreshing and restorative. When we feel depleted, there is nothing that satisfies us as much as water does.

For me, there is nothing more calming than finding a comfortable place to sit and close my eyes along a stream and just listen to the sound of the water as it bumps and jumps over the rocks. Before I started doing this, I didn't realize that you can actually hear the flow changing as the water encounters fallen trees and other obstacles along its way. The sounds change so much that it can sound as if the water is singing. There is one particular place I go where the water sound is almost mesmerizing. That coupled with the smell of honeysuckle in the summer has to be as close to Heaven as we get here on earth.

I love the shower after a hike. I'm usually a hot mess by then from all the altitude changes and nothing feels better than a long, hot shower. One of my favorite things to do is to shower until there's not a drop of hot water left in the tank. That's not popular with my family especially if they're next in line, but it's their fault I'm like this. You see, when they were small, I rarely got any time alone-ever. In their toddler years it was just safer to take them in the bathroom with me through the day to avert bleeding, major destruction or a catastrophic disaster. So showering happened when they were asleep and it was rare that all 4 of them were asleep at the same time so showers were a non-event, a custodial type of activity where faster was better! I missed out on so much. Now I'm catching up!

I've found that thirst will masquerade as hunger. Headaches can be a sign of dehydration. If you're not careful and attuned, you'll be fueling yourself with things that don't satisfy like chips or chocolate during your mid-afternoon snack attack.

In John 4:13-14 Jesus says to the woman at the well: "Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life."

Scripture speaks of the cleansing effect of the Word of God. That is the cornerstone of the Christian life. We must be cleansed of all sin in order to enter the Kingdom of God. Once we are citizens of God's Kingdom, we must have the continual washing, refreshing, rejuvenating work of the Holy Spirit in our spiritual being just as we need water every day. And just as thirst is not always recognized in our physical bodies, the same thing can happen to us in the spiritual realm.

There are so many spiritual fads in the world today. A lot of them have us do things in the physical realm promising health in the spiritual realm. They tell us to affirm ourselves, breathe a certain way, think a certain way to re-wire our brains, as if these temporal activities will manage what the devil is doing to us. When our spirit is telling us that we are thirsty, we often go everywhere but to the well where the spiritual water is found. Jesus is calling to us telling us that He is enough! He is everything! Everything we need is found in Him! All spiritual nourishment comes through Him! As Christians, we all say this but is it what we practice?

We're not supposed to manage the devil's tinkering in our lives! We are to take authority over him in our lives. He has no right there. He has been banished by the Blood of Jesus, but yet, we allow him access to our minds. Breathing techniques, mantras repeated over and over again, thinking right about ourselves, eating certain foods, taking certain supplements, and all the other "activities" WE do might help in the short term, mostly because it's a distraction, not a remedy. You will be doing it again tomorrow and the next day and the next day. Why not go to the source of life, that water of the Word, and drink long and deep? Let His Word wash, refresh, rejuvenate and heal you. Let the Holy Spirit change you!

We are so busy looking for the next great thing that is going to infuse our spiritual lives when what we need has always been and will never change. No amount of research or earthly discovery is going to enhance our spiritual state. When Jesus cried "It is finished!", it was finished. Everything we need to live the way God intended was accomplished. So why do we spend time going from one thing to another when all we need is found at the foot of the cross? All we need is found in pages of His Book. The Word IS life! It's not a how-to book in that it tells us what we must do. It tells us what HE has already done! Just take it by faith!

Swimming, creek, drinking, bathing, refreshing,

Thankful November Day 16&17- Valleys

11/17/2021

What???? Thankful for valleys? You mean Happy Valley, right?

No, I mean dark, long, lonely, awful valleys. Those one-way valleys that you cannot get out of unless you walk through them. Valleys that may or may not be of your own making. Valleys that overshadow every part of your being-body, soul, and spirit. Valleys that seem that they would swallow you up, where there's no light or end that can be seen from where you are.

There are two kinds of valleys. Some valleys we enter because of our own stupidity or misguided thinking. We're not walking close to God, not paying close attention or living frivolously in our spiritual life and we end up in trouble. These could be avoided, but God, in His mercy will bring us out if we are sincere in seeking for His help. I don't recommend this way of living. You won't make much progress and you're life will be filled with drama. I hate drama!

What I'm speaking of are the valleys that we come to when we're walking closely with God. This begs the question of why bad things happen to good people? Why does devastation come to the child of God? Why is God allowing this to happen to me? Am I able to trust that God is still good, that He has a purpose in this, that He will bring me through to the other side, that He will fix this?

I've asked God these questions before. And I've had many valleys to walk through- valleys of sickness, injury, and death; valleys of relationships broken by lies, betrayal, misunderstanding, and unkept promises; and valleys of broken dreams and disappointments that becloud the future and shake the very foundations that I've built my life on. In all of this, I've learned a few things.

If you are walking closely with God and He brings you to a valley, know this, He will not leave you. Take His hand and walk just as closely with Him through the valley as you did before the valley. Do not "fear any evil, for He is with you." There is something that He wants to teach you or strip off of you that you will need further along in your life journey. If He strips things off or takes things out, then He will certainly add things to you and fill you up with something better. Can you look to Him for that in trusting anticipation? Can you put on blinders to the evil and darkness that is all around you and walk in the peace that comes when your eyes are fixed on Him? Is His Word a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path?

When you're at the deepest, darkest, driest place in the valley and you think that you cannot go one more step, when you've been weeping night after night after night, it's then you need to "dig deep to find a pleasant pool where others find only pain." Ps. 84:6 Watch God take you "from strength to strength." Truly "joy does come in the morning." Ps. 30:5

Realize that "there is no testimony without a test." (D Swaggart) That sounds simple but yet is so profound. To face the giant, we must have first fought the lion and bear. The war we wage is weighty with the eternal souls of mankind as the spoil. We must be trained and proven in order to fight effectively. We must allow ourselves to be made into soldiers who are willing to detach ourselves so that we do not become "entangled in the affairs of everyday life so that we may please the one who enlisted us." Life may not turn out the way we planned or imagined and we must be okay with that. We must know that we are not our own anymore and that we can trust our general's instructions even when they don't make sense to us. We learn this in the valley where we see nothing but the mountains looming on either side and the darkness of uncertainty lying ahead, in that place of no escape except that we walk forward, in faith, with Christ.

I've written volumes about things I've learned and experienced in the darkest valleys of my life, I journaled my way through them, taking time to examine feelings and fears, and laying them all out in front of the Lord for His remarks. When I look back at all that I saw God do in me, for me, and through me; how He showed Himself to me and others; and how He kept His every Word spoken to me, I can honestly say THANK GOD for the valleys. They were hard and they hurt. They wrung out every ounce of self sufficiency, pride, and self-esteem that was in me and forced me to fix my eyes on God as my only source of life, hope, and deliverance. And in all that, He showed Himself to me in ways I had not known Him before.

Thankful November Day 14&15

11/15/2021

Took a sick day yesterday. It was Sunday and I rested. Ever since I can remember Sunday has been a rest day. When I was growing up, all the stores were closed except for the drug store so my Dad would stop there on the way home from church and grab a paper. After he was finished, we were allowed to grab the comics and read them. I spent many an afternoon with silly putty copying Snoopy and Charlie Brown. Occasionally we would pile in the car and go for a Sunday drive. That usually ended in a stop at the local dairy for a sandwich or an ice cream cone.

When my husband went into the ministry, Sunday got a bit busier especially when he decided to pioneer a church. I was the piano player/worship leader and we rented a space just for Sunday so it involved moving equipment every Sunday morning. We had 4 children at the time, 3 in diapers, and one that hated to get dressed who was built like a cement truck. I had to sit on top of him to dress him. And in the time it took for me to slip on a dress and brush my hair, his sister might have decided that he needed a diaper change and I would find him either naked running for her or in a diaper that was half hanging off his body that on backwards. So we started the process all over again and by the time I got to church, I was exhausted and flustered. We remedied that when a teenager from the congregation volunteered to come every Sunday morning and feed the kids breakfast and get them dressed. I just relied on her to have them together when it was time to leave and things ran a whole lot smoother.

Hebrews speaks of Sabbath rest. Some take it literally in that you can't do anything on Sunday. Others think it's a time to do whatever they want. I mostly stick to keeping Sunday for church attendance to whatever services are offered at the church I attend, and to taking a nap somewhere in the day. Oftentimes, my husband and I will steal away to the marsh or the creek for a walk in the sunshine, weather permitting of course.

Hebrews 4:4 For He has said somewhere concerning the seventh day: “And God rested on the seventh day from all His works
9 Consequently, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God. 10 For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His. 11 Therefore let’s make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following the same example of disobedience.
14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let’s hold firmly to our confession.

As I took a long look at Hebrews, I realized that the sabbath rest is not a day, it's a practice. And since Christ pronounced that "it is finished" on the cross, I can rest in that everything that God is ever going to do for me was completed at Calvary. Therefore, I do not need to strive or work for anything that I need from God. It's already been purchased and it belongs to me by virtue of my elder brother, Jesus Christ. I rely on Him to save me and keep me until the day I see him face to face. I only need to fight the fight of faith to receive it and see it come to fruition in my life. All the activity, unless directed by Him, is useless and exhausting.

What the author of Hebrews was saying was that spiritual, emotional and physical rest is ours through what Christ did for us. Everything that comes to us comes through the Christ of the cross. We cannot become more spiritual, that was accomplished by Jesus. We can only become more holy, more set apart to the Lord from the world. Many of our "spiritual" labor is in vain if we think that it is going to make more saved or more accepted by God. Our only labor is the fight of faith-to believe that victory is ours through the Blood of Jesus Christ and sin no longer has dominion over us.

So today I am thankful for sabbath rest, everyday! To rest in the finished work of Jesus Christ is truly a blessed and happy life. And especially on Sundays, I remember and reflect upon what Jesus has done so that I no longer have to strive in life, but just rest in thankfulness and praise for what He has done for me.

Thankful November Day 13-Our Brightest Moments

11/13/2021

"Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth." Ps. 71:9
"They shall bring forth fruit in old age; they shall be fat and flourishing." Ps. 92:14

My hubby and I were out and about today. We didn't have any particular adventure in mind unless you call a haircut an adventure. Considering that he goes to a place where you never know which employee will cut your hair, I guess it could be considered an adventure. LOL!

As we traveled around town, we noticed that the red and orange leaves are coming into their own now that the yellow leaves have fallen away. They reminded me of a blog I wrote years ago that I usually share this time of year. Each year that I live, it becomes a little more applicable to my life since I am getting older but the promise of God remains the same.

I remember these thoughts first came to me as I watched leaves falling from the trees and fluttering to the ground. I was enraptured with the beauty of them. Then all the sudden it hit me that these leaves were dying! At their brightest moment, they fell to the ground to die. But oh, how bright was that moment and I asked the Lord to let my life be as theirs had been, fully alive and thriving right up to the moment when I am released to die. (Of course, I would much rather prefer that He return because I think that going in the rapture would be so awesome!)

Here is the blog:

I have entered the last season of life. All too soon I, like the leaves, will cease to live. Just as the leaves come to the end of their appointed season, I will too. Lord, grant this one desire.

When people see me in the last stages of life, let the color of my life be as brilliant, as vibrant, and as loud as the fall leaves. Let it sing with as much beauty as your creation does as it basks in the autumn sun. Let the lifetime I spent growing in the grace of the Son of God crescendo with as much splendor and beauty as the leaves of autumn. Let the harvest of my old age be God's abundant life touching all those around me. And long after I'm gone, may the residue of my years be like an aromatic oil and a sweet fragrance to those I leave behind.

Today I am thankful that my brightest moments always lie ahead of me and not behind.

Thankful November Day 12-Don't be a Turkey, Give Thanks

11/12/2021

Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Have you ever noticed that Thanksgiving day seems to have become less and less important in our culture? Where it used to be a day for family gatherings and fellowship, it’s been reduced to a freezer full of turkeys and some festive tableware at the local grocery store and wild shopping deals. In our homes, it's a gluttonous celebration with some football and pumpkin pie for dessert. Thanksgiving day is blurred by the darkness of Halloween and drowned in the frenzy of Christmas. When did you ever see a house decorated for Thanksgiving? It seems as if overnight the world transforms from ghosts and goblins to the angelic and magical with nary a mention of what lies in-between.

We see in the scripture above that in God's economy, thanksgiving is extremely important, if not essential in prayer. It's the catalyst that gets us from the darkness's of life to the glorious light of prayer answers. Just as Thanksgiving Day is a resting point between the evil of Halloween and the song of the Christmas angels declaring that God has come near, the practice of thanksgiving in prayer is what carries us from problem to provision, from anxiety to answers, from trepidation to truth, and from obstacle to overcoming.

Here we see it, sandwiched in between our pleas and the answer. In between our petitions and the provision. It is the conduit, through which our faith travels, that leads to the ear of God and what is needed to move His heart and His hand. The result of thanksgiving offered in faith is the presence of God in our lives and the reality of answers to prayer.

So today, in the in-between, in-between Halloween and Christmas, in-between my petitions and provision, I choose to give thanks. I focus not on food or family, fortune or fame. I focus not on future plans or present realities. Instead I will give thanks for the provision of God smashed between evil and good, between being lost and being found, between separation and reconciliation. I will give thanks for the coming of God’s Son to sacrifice His life for me. I will glory in all the provisions that His death now makes available to me.

And my reward? His presence. Presence in prosperity or problems. In joy and in sadness. In the turmoil, turbulence, troubles and transitions of life. Transcending presence born on the wings of faith-filled thanksgiving.

Thankful November Day 10&11-The Object of My Faith

11/11/2021

I've been thinking about the story of Cain and Abel for two days. I tried many times to write down my thoughts but it took me awhile to decide what to write.

As a young Christian I could never understand why God did not accept Cain's offering. I had the same attitude as I see many have in the church today. Cain gave the first and best of what he had toiled over and grown. I can just imagine the spread he must have laid before the Lord. To have it rejected would have been very disappointing and frustrating. After all, isn't that what God had given him to do? He tended the crops and Abel tended the sheep. Why wouldn't God be satisfied with the best that he had to offer? Why wasn't his sacrifice enough cover what he owed?

I soon came to understand that in Christianity, there has to be the shedding of blood for the forgiveness of sin because "the wages of sin is death." Cain knew this. I'm sure Adam and Eve had told them the story many times of how they had sinned and tried to cover themselves with fig leaves but God came and shed innocent blood and covered them with the skin of the sacrifice. They obviously had been schooled in the bringing of sacrifices before the Lord in remembrance of what God had done to cover their sin and in anticipation of the promised perfect sacrifice that would come and "bruise the head" of the deceiver that had led them there.

In the last couple of years, God has been revealing to me the greatness of my salvation. Too many times we see the Cross as the starting point to God, which it is but then we have the tendency to relegate it to the starting point as we move deeper into spiritual understanding of the working of the Spirit. The most spiritually effective people I have known in my lifetime have managed to maintain their fascination, adoration, and appreciation of the Christ of the Cross. I realized that I did not have the understanding that they had, therefore I was not as spiritually effective. I figured out that I was missing something, so I began to pray about it asking the Holy Spirit to help me and teach me.

In the last year I have come to learn that the finished work of the Cross is as important and effective in my life for my sanctification as it was for my salvation. When Christians struggle with fleshly sins, addictions, and character flaws, when they are praying for healing and it doesn't come, it doesn't mean they don't love God. It doesn't mean that they don't have faith. It doesn't mean they are not saved. Salvation means that we have placed our faith in the finished work of Christ on the Cross. It has nothing to do with what we experience here on earth. Faith in the cross is the only thing that saves us.

Where things go awry is in their attempts to correct their behavior through the desperate efforts of denying themselves, going to counselors, participating in 12 step programs, spending increased time in prayer, confession and other spiritual activities. They soon find that these things may provide temporary victory, but no lasting effect. They grow frustrated with themselves and suspicious of God and His Word and they wonder why it's not working for them. Eventually they form wrong ideas about God or they walk away from the faith altogether. I've seen it time and time again. I'm not saying that any of those afore mentioned things are wrong or bad. I've tried most of them myself and I know they are not effective.

In thinking about Cain and Abel, God made this so clear to me. The reason that Cain's offering was rejected was because he put his faith in what HE brought, in what HE had to offer. He thought God would accept what HE had toiled to produce by the sweat of his brow. The object of his faith was in something he had labored to produce.

On the other hand, Abel's faith was in the sacrifice. He knew that it was the blood that impressed God. It was the sacrifice of the spotless innocent lamb, the toil of the lamb in giving his life that made it acceptable to God. Nothing of humanity was part of the sacrifice. The object of Abel's faith was the work that the lamb did, not his own work. And God accepted it.

How often we do this. After being saved by nothing more than putting our faith in what someone else did for us, we then rush on to the doing and object of our faith quietly shifts. There is doing in faith but those things are the result of where we have put our faith. If what Christ did on the cross is not the object of our faith, our faith will fail. We must always go back to what Christ did, because it is through His work, His sacrifice, His offering Himself for us that we receive salvation and all the promises of victory and the fruit of the Spirit. Everything we receive after salvation comes through the same means that our salvation came-the finished work of Jesus Christ. Therefore, Jesus has to be the object of our faith, the center of our joy, the foundation of our hope in order to have victory in life. "He causes us always to triumph THROUGH Christ Jesus!"

It seems a subtle thing, but if our faith is in our prayers, our confession, our efforts, our obedience, it will surely fail because there is nothing in us or about us that could possibly equal what Christ accomplished for us on the Cross. HIS accomplishments are why we have anything. Everything we are promised is what He deserved, but in the divine great exchange, Christ opened the door for us to have His blessings. So everything we need in this life, in our sanctification, comes through Jesus Christ. When the Spirit sees our faith is in Christ, He then has opportunity to work in us to change us and to answer our prayers. You see, it is His job to reveal and glorify Christ always and only.

I wish it hadn't taken me this long to learn it, but I'm so thankful that I did. The peace, the joy, and the victory it has brought into my life has been revolutionary. I no longer manage things in my life that Jesus died to destroy. I look to what He already purchased for me when I'm tempted and find strength to overcome. I'm still growing in this knowledge but I'm not the same as I was. I don't want one drop of that precious blood to be wasted in my life. I want all He died to give me both in this life and the next.

"Thank you Jesus for the blood applied
Thank you Jesus, you have washed me white
Thank you Jesus, you have saved my life
Brought me from the darkness into glorious light."
Crystal Gayle