​I've wanted to write this blog for a very long time.  Since May of last year, in fact. On Mother's day I received a gift from my oldest daughter. Now to know her is to love her. I watch her with her children, I see how she loves her husband (You're a lucky man), I watch how she ministers to others. I see how thoughtful, how caring, how genuine she is and I honestly stand in awe. Most times I just think to myself that I wish I was more like her. I wonder to myself, how she became what she is, a Godly, authentic woman and I feel blessed to say I know her. 


She's always been Daddy's girl. She still is. Too say that I never felt left out would be a lie. I worked hard at teaching her to love and respect her Daddy. I always felt that she was so fortunate to have a Dad like my husband so I always let her see the value of having him as a father and a Pastor. I was glad that she was so in love with her Dad but there were times when I wished that I had been more a part of their inner circle. That was selfish of me and I'm glad that she is so close to her Dad. 


One endearing quality she has is that she is exceptionally good at is gift giving. She is crazy generous, but when she doesn't have a lot of funds, she takes what she has and makes something beautiful and meaningful with it. I've never ever heard anyone say a bad word about her. That may be because people know I carry a gun. LOL! But even in public I've heard people comment on how nice and sweet and thoughtful she is. She makes me proud but most of all I feel fortunate to know her. If I had a best friend, I would want them to be very much like her.


Last Mother's day she gave me a gift. It was two pickle jars filled with little slips of paper. Her husband and mine kind of poo-pooed it as a gift but let me tell you, two men have never been so wrong.


On those slips of paper she had written 260 reasons why she was glad I was her mom-one for each workday for the next year. I was flabbergasted that any woman with two active boys could possibly find the time to sit and think up that many things, much less write them down. I can't imagine how much time, thought, and love she put into them. It truly is the thought that counts!


I tried to be good and follow the instructions on the jar, reading only one a day but that soon fell by the wayside and I found myself devouring them in groups of 10 or 20.  When I got through them all in a week, I read all 260 every week for months. If you remember, from May of  2015 into 2016 was the most difficult time of my life on every level. There were many days those little slips of paper ministered hope, healing and gratefulness to me when I felt hopeless, broken, and alone. I still read them. They still make me cry, and laugh and remember. Some days I read them wrapped in the beautiful silk shawl she made me this year for Mother's day that is covered with beautiful birds in all my favorite colors. (A thank you  to my grandsons who had to endure the fabric shopping trips to find this most exquisite fabric.  I'll give you extra candy!) 


As I read these slips so full of love, I realized that she had listened and learned more than I ever imagined. What hit me the most were the "little things" she remembered that to me were just what you do when you're a mom, but to her were the things that had helped form her into the lovely woman that she is today. Unbeknownst to me, I was, after all, a small part of a big God's plan in the making of this beautiful creature I call my daughter. She's taught me that life is made up of the "little things" we do everyday. Breaking it down that way doesn't make motherhood seem so daunting. 


I wish I could share every single one with you, but that would be overdoing it a bit but here are some of my favorites. 


"You built a Mexican snowman with me complete with Dad's birthday sombrero from Chi-Chi's. Love you Mom!"


"You taught me to respect authority." Love you Mom!


"You always wiped my tears away!" Love you Mom!


"You took me to fly kites and sang "Let's Go Fly A Kite" while doing it." Love you Mom!


"You taught me to love all people despite their past, skin color, or social status." Love you Mom!


"You taught me there's a song for every situation..Usually a silly one." Love you Mom!


"You taught me how to not get my legs caught in the roller slide." Love you Mom!


"You taught me not to strive to be perfect but to just be who God created me to be." Love you Mom!


"You are the perfect hospital companion." Love you Mom!


"You built huge piles of leaves for me to jump in." Love you Mom!


"You taught me to learn and adjust whenever life brings changes." Love you Mom!


"You taught me to pray for others." Love you Mom!


"You were always my Mother first and my friend second." Love you Mom!


"You taught me to look with my eyes instead of my mouth." Love you Mom! (Something some of my other children have not yet conquered. LOL!) 


"After Dad pronounced Brian and I husband and wife and we started to walk down the aisle, you tearfully grabbed my hand and I'll never forget that special moment." Love you Mom!


"You always loved to rock your babies...and I think that's why I love to rock mine." Love you Mom!


"You have the courage to say necessary things when most people are too scared." Love you Mom!


"You showed me corn on the cob is a meal." Love you Mom!


"You showed me it's okay to spoil my kids sometimes." Love you Mom!


"You've always been available to me." Love you Mom! (Sometimes I was too available! LOL)


"You let us get dirty and have fun and just enjoy being kids." Love you Mom!


"You gave me lots of kisses." Love you Mom!


"You taught me you aren't always blood related to family." Love you Mom!


"You made sure to meet my friend's parents before I went over to make sure I was in a safe place." Love you Mom!


"You celebrated each of my pregnancies and mourned the one we lost." Love you Mom!


"You sang the 'Good Morning Song'  to get me out of bed. Love you Mom!


"You give great hugs!" Love you Mom!


"You taught me to finish what I started" Love you Mom!


"I've never once heard you swear." Love you Mom!


"You got me a library card and showed me how magical the library could be." Love you Mom!


"You accepted help when you needed it." Love you Mom!


"You made a ridiculously fun slide from cardboard boxes and bean bags." Love you Mom!


"You let me spend time with my friends and develop strong relationships and lasting memories." Love you Mom!


"You prayed for my PUPPS to go away...and it did." Love you Mom!(Praise God for healing power and the agreement in prayer with other  church ladies! We saw a miracle we will never forget) 


"Many young people who grow up in the church believe that "married activities" are evil and sinful, even after marriage. You taught me it is beautiful and it made it even more worthwhile to save myself for marriage.: Love you Mom!


'You always tell me you love me." Love you Mom!


"You treated my friends like they were part of the family." Love you Mom!


"You gave me good baby birthin hips." Love you Mom! (A blessing and a curse, I think,)


"You've always been honest with me." Love you Mom!


"You helped me learn how to be in the world but not of it." Love you Mom!


"You made me an award winning angel costume...twice." Love you Mom!


"You helped me realize that I am human and in fact, not a dog." Love you Mom! (That was a scary time indeed.)


"You acted all excited when I got you a bug-eyed goldfish for your birthday." Love you Mom! (I did like the way his butt wiggled when he swam!)


"SEVEN.LAYER.SALAD. Enough said." Love you Mom!


"You made my childhood magical." Love you Mom!(Even without Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny!)


"You are modest in how you dress." Love you Mom!


"You prayed for a Godly husband for me since the day I was born." Love you Mom!


"You held my hair back and put a cold washcloth on my forehead when I got sick...in the toilet." Love you Mom!


"When we didn't have a sled, you took a car mat and turned it into a sled! That's my first memory of sledding and I loved it." Love you Mom! (Actually that was your Daddy's idea and a good one indeed!)


"You took me shopping every year for school and always spent more than you should have. (And I gave Daddy a fashion show. He didn't mind!) Love you Mom!


"You defended me when I had crazy teachers." Love you Mom! (And they were never in short supply, it seems! Couldn't they tell you were close to perfect like I could?  They weren't very smart for teachers! LOL)


"You love corney Christmas movies (and I'm not alone when I cry for the Christmas Shoes.)" Love you Mom!


"There were always misconceptions of what the Proverbs 31 woman was and you always taught me truth." Love you Mom!


"You were faithful to go to church and made it a priority" Love you Mom!


"You had the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang song memorized and sang it with gusto!" Love you Mom!


"You taught me to make good friends because 'bad company corrupts good morals." Love you Mom!


"You helped me through the heartache of losing best friends who chose wrong paths." Love you Mom!


"Sometimes you let us get unexcused absences from school when we just needed a day off." Love you Mom!


"You gave me fun dress up clothes and a tea set and let me make actual tea!" Love you Mom!


You learned to cut hair so Bubby and Evan could have their hair the way they wanted since no professional could suffice." Love you Mom!


"You made me buy my own candy at WalMart to help me get over my extreme shyness." Love you Mom!


"You simply love me." Love you Mom! (That I truly, truly do! Love you Kate!)


"You always tell me I'm a 'good egg!'" Love you Mom! (A truth if there ever was one!)


"You always make our Christmas Stockings fun." Love you Mom!


"You taught me it's good to relax and unwind." Love you Mom!


"You taught me to always have hope." Love you Mom!


"You tell me when you're proud of me." Love you Mom!


You taught me to take well calculated risks." Love you Mom!


"You showed me the beauty of remaining faithful to your husband." Love you Mom!


"You used tough love when I needed it." Love you Mom! (Oh, how hard that was cause you were so darned cute! :-)


"You showed me how God can take the worst things that happen to us and use them for good." Love you Mom! (I think we have to give God the credit for that one!)


"You got me rubber gloves so my hands wouldn't crack and bleed when I did the dishes." Love you Mom!


"You gave me room to make my own mistakes and helped me learn through them." Love you Mom!


"You helped my friends through some of the most difficult situations imaginable." Love you Mom!


"You taught me to listen to meaningful music." Love you Mom! (Among all the silly songs I taught you! LOL!)


"You took me to big hills to sled!" Love you Mom


"You never stop learning or educating yourself." Love you Mom! (Belly dancing anyone?)


"You appreciate a good cup of tea!" Love you Mom!


"You didn't leave your kids hospital beds for months; until they were able to come home." Love you Mom!


"You always told me I was beautiful...inside and out!" Love you Mom!


And my absolute favorite one:


"You understood that even though I'm a "Daddy's girl", I could never live without my mamma! Love you Mom! (This one causes me to burst out crying so I leave it at home!)


Now, if you're a Mamma and you read this whole blog, I owe you a box of tissues! I encourage all kids to do this for your Mom. She will treasure it forever! 

There is nothing that hurts my heart more than knowing that I have unsaved children. My thoughts every morning are for them. My prayers every day are for them. My last thought at night is for them. My cube at work is plastered with scripture promises and reminders that God is able and willing to save. The things that God has laid on my heart concerning their lives is still fresh on my heart even though my head tries to tell me it's impossible. I never dreamed while my children were young and innocent that they would grow up to not serve God. I did all that I felt God ask me to in teaching them, training them, and praying for them. I don't feel that I failed in raising them right, and believe me, I've sought the Lord about this extensively. I made mistakes, but no more than any other parent has or will make.  I think I can relate with any other mother who also has a wayward son or a prodigal daughter. 

Through the years I've listened to parent's conversations about their children. One thing I've heard has really disturbed me. I've often heard, "well, he/she is not serving the Lord....BUT...they are a good father/mother, a nice person, or a loving son/daughter. He/she even attends church." As if that makes a difference somehow! In essence they are saying that they were successful as parents in that their children have conformed. The problem is that they don't sound very concerned over the lack of transformation!  At the very foundation of this way of thinking is a relief that they don't look bad. Unfortunately this way of thinking does not carry the urgency that one needs to pray for the lost. I don't care if your child is President. If they are lost, they're just as lost as a bum on the street. All the ground is level at the foot of the cross.

Whether your unsaved child is a nice person or an obviously rebellious mess really doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is that if they died or the Lord returned, they would still be lost. As a parent, it's much easier to hear that people like your children than it is to have women pulling their children to their sides when your kid walks in the room, but the scary one is no less saved than the nice one and deserves the same amount of love, care and interaction with Christians that are genuinally concerned for their souls. 

I don't want moral children.  I want saved, loving God, on their way to heaven children and I won't settle for anything less. If someone would ask me at prayer time where I'm going, I would tell them "I'm going to get my kids back."

The Lord denied the devil once a long time ago when he tried to steal my kids. He didn't do that so that they would be lost later.

I was reminded of a story in 1 Samuel 30. It says that David returned from battle to find that Ziklag had been burned and the women, children and livestock had all been stolen. Then the Bible says that "David and the people who were with him lifed their voices and wept until there was no strength in them to weep." After a time a weeping, David "strenghthen himself in the Lord his God" and then he went and got them back. 

Too many parents who are burdened for their children stop at the weeping part. David's weeping did not get his family and goods back. He had to go and get them back. And the Bible says that he brought it ALL back. 

Are you a weeping parent? Well weep until you can weep no more and then get up and strenghthen yourself in the Lord. Remember the promises He has made to you concerning your seed and stand on them. He didn't have His fingers crossed behind His back when He made them. Encourage yourself in knowing that although your kids are sinners, Christ gave His life for them and wants to save them the same way He did for you. 

And one last thing. Don't let the self-righteous, demeaning, and sometimes downright nasty looks and comments of people with "perfect" kids deter or discourage you. Don't allow the devil to use them to make you feel that you were somehow inadequate as a parent lest he try to make you feel inadequate to pray for their salvation.  Who else is going to labor over their souls with more sincerity than you? God instructed David to go get what was his. So lets do the same! Will you have to fight some battles?  Probably. David did but God was with him and victory came. 

Who's with me? Let's go get our kids back!

One of our daughters has had a rough row to hoe in life. Brain injured at age 5 with lasting, life changing challenges have caused her to grow up in areas that some adults in today's culture never do.  Over the past couple of weeks, I saw the fruit of what her years of hard and sometimes unfair lessons have taught her as she set aside her own needs to meet the needs of someone she loves.

A little over 11 years ago, my daughter was experiencing major rejection from kids that for the first 5 years of her life had been her friends.  After her injury, because she was different, her former friends took advantage of her vulnerable position to supply their warped and immature needs for amusement that left my daughter hurt and confused. One day in prayer as I was asking the Lord how to help her he spoke very clearly to me to "get her a dog. A dog will love her everyday."  And so we got Zoe, our golden retriever.  It seemed that as soon Zoe and my daughter met, they were the best of friends. You know how it feels when you meet someone  and you just know that you're going to be good friends? Well, that's how it was with these two.  It was almost magical. When we went to choose a puppy, the other puppies played rough and tumble on the floor but Zoe picked my daughter out of the crowd, crawled up in her lap, laid down and fell asleep. Zoe was the runt of the litter, so perhaps even at 4 weeks of age, she understood how it felt to be a little different from the rest of the pack.  And perhaps she could tell that my daughter felt the same way. That's what love does.

Zoe was very patient with my daughter through all the years.  What she took my sons to task about, she let my daughter do.  She loved them all, but she seemed to know that my daughter was her job, her mission, her ministry and Zoe embraced it with all the love a dog can give.  Her sweet temperament allowed my daughter to tease her, play rough with her, and smother her with hugs and kisses- all which Zoe endured with a smile and an occasional retreat to our bedroom.  That's what love does.

Eleven years of fun, friendship and extreme love later, it's time to say goodbye. All friends have to say goodbye sometime.  But it's so hard. In a period of 2 weeks, Zoe went from being a perfectly healthy dog to one who barely had the strength to stand and walk. The writing was on the wall.  Something was very wrong but the vet could not determine what it was. My daughter nursed the dog day after day giving up vacations, trips with family, her job hunt, and even sleep as she rose early in the morning to carry Zoe outside and give her medication without even one complaint. Zoe came first in every decision. That's what love does.

Finally, when it became apparent that Zoe was in distress, we rushed her to the pet emergency room. They told us that she probably wouldn't have lasted the night without oxygen. They felt she was bleeding internally but offered little hope of being able to help her even if they found the cause because of her age. We had several options.  Leave her there til morning and they would make her comfortable. Based on how Zoe would react to our homecoming if we were just gone for a day, we knew that was not an option.  She would have been frantic, not comfortable. Option two was to spend literally thousands of dollars to diagnose and treat her with probably very invasive procedures, or say goodbye and let her go in peace. Making the hardest decision of her 20 challenging years, my daughter agreed with the vet and decided to let go of her lifetime buddy so that she would not suffer unnecessarily. Then faced with the option of leaving Zoe while she was still alive or staying with her through the procedure until she had gone, my daughter decided that although it would be devastating for her, it would be better for Zoe if we were with her until she fell asleep for the last time. I was pleasantly surprised and very proud. Perhaps she has grown more than I realized.  She was so strong.  She fought back the floodgate of tears that were trying to come, she remained calm, comforting Zoe with soft strokes and soothing words, just as she always does when we go to the vet. I know how tremendously hard it was for her but that's what love does. 

On the way home, there were tears, and fond memories spoken of and the determination that we had been privilege to a lifetime of love that borders the miraculous. Even if my daughter never marries, she has certainly experienced the richness of love at it's deepest level. She acknowledged that the same God that had given her Zoe 11 years ago knew that this was also going to happen today and was present with us still to comfort  and help.  Our times are truly in God's hands. Seeing this coming, and thankful for time to prepare, as a family, to lose our furry friend, I called the breeder that had bred Zoe. It soon became apparent that God had already been working.  Zoe's younger sister will have a litter of puppies at Thanksgiving. So right before the new year, Zoe's niece will be coming home to live with us. It comforts my daughter to know that she will have a little piece of Zoe to love and care for.  I think Zoe would like it too because... that's what love does.  

I'm sure that just by reading the title of this blog, you know where this is headed.  (PLEASE RESTRAIN FROM GIVING ME "THE DANGERS OF FIREWORKS" SPEECH!)  I've heard it all before!  I grew up in JHW's house and he was long on speeches that he repeated over and over again until we could recite them from memory.  And I've given a few of those speeches myself to my own kids.  While the speeches must have done me some good (I've never been close enough to a bottle rocket for it glance off my face, dart down my shirt and explode), my son must have been at a friend's house the day I gave the fireworks speech at our house...thus boys, bottle rockets, & bandages.

Well that was the story anyway from the group of 6 boys who were somewhere they shouldn't have been doing something they knew should be supervised by an adult (and no my 18 year old does not qualify in this case as an adult-unless they would have been arrested, of course!), using something that I'm pretty sure is not legal in PA without a permit or local permission.  And they're sticking to it.  Regardless, my son ended up with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree burns on his neck and chest.  Now most kids would have run home and immediately shown his parents, but not my son.  No Sir!  (He probably didn't want to hear the fireworks speech).  He just washed them off and went back to his buddies, came home late and went to bed, all the while the hot gun powder was just sitting on his skin burning a hole clear through to his back.  The next morning he climbed into the van, being careful to hide his burns from his comatose Dad, who had not had his morning coffee as of yet, and went to work installing in-ground pools with open, oozing lesions on his neck and chest.  It wasn't until I got a call from his boss that I discovered anything had happened at all!  Have you ever felt like a bad parent even though you didn't do anything wrong?  I did that morning.  Maybe I should start checking on them in the middle of the night like I did when they were babies.

So for the last two weeks I have been dressing burns once a day, watching for infection, and trying not to repeat the "I Told You So" speech to my son who has already probably lost his job for the summer, missed out on a trip to the beach with  friend, and may have really wacky looking scars for some time.  I think he might have learned something from this whole experience.  I certainly did!  

1) Even though I believe that boys must learn to take risks to become men, as I said to one of the other boy's mother, "We have boys.  They do stupid things."

2) We pay Dr's to do practically nothing.  I came to this conclusion after the Dr handed me a debriding brush and told me that if I didn't get all the gun powder out of burns they would become tattoos in my son's skin.  After 2.5 hours and enough tears (my tears) to overflow the bathtub, the job was done.  

3)Your boys will always be your boys, even when they have whiskers, deep sounding voices, and are taller than you.  So even though they might wrinkle up their noses and wiggle away, Moms still need to hug them and tell them that they're loved.  You may glean an "I love you, Mom"  just when you're not expecting it.  (I did!)

We're hoping that some of the burns will be able to get some air after the next check-up.  My son would love to lose the mummy look.  The stares he gets in public make him uncomfortable but there is a lesson in that as well.  Hopefully by the time school starts again, this will be mostly passed us, although it will be months before he is completely better.  Even though I feel a little guilty about thinking this way, I have enjoyed getting extra time with my son and giving him some extra attention.  I fully believe that "what the devil meant for harm, God can use for our good."  Already God has shown mercy in that the thing did not explode in his face, blinding him.  The healing has been miraculously quick, although not quick enough for my son's liking.  And as always, when tragedy strikes, the tremendous grace of God comes in and takes over making what seems impossible possible, giving hope and peace and the knowledge that we are never alone in this world.