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Noise From The Barnyard

This is where family and friends hang out and discuss world events, family happenings, valley news and things I'm "moosing" about.  It's the day to day across the fence chatter.

#JesusChangedMyLife

4/21/2020

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Our Pastor challenged us all to share our story of how Jesus changed our lives. So here’s my story.

As a child, I attended a mainline church. I always believed there was a God and desired to please Him. When I was 9 years old, I went to vacation Bible school with the neighbors. They were Southern Baptists. We made popsicle stick pencil cans, had a flannel board Bible lesson (now I’m dating myself) and then went to the sanctuary where we heard the most hair raising sermon about Hell you’d ever want to hear. Every child went to the altar that night, unless they had gone before I guess. I refer to it as being “scared into the Kingdom”. The next year I went back and insisted that they pray with me again because I just felt that I needed to do it. The altar worker argued with me but I told her I wasn’t leaving until she prayed again. After that I would often lay in my windowsill at night, looking at the stars and talking to God and I would sense that there was someone there with me, the same feeling I felt when I went to church with my grandmother who attended a Pentecostal church. There were periods of time through middle school and high school that I read the Bible and prayed but never had anyone to guide me in Christian growth. I remember that I put the golden rule in my locker at school and it strengthened me when I was being teased relentlessly because I had grown way too fast and went from being ultra athletic to barely being able to walk and chew gum at the same time. My growth spurt had taken all my coordination.  And because of my height my jeans were “flood” length instead of dragging on the ground, which was the style then. My Dad couldn’t yet afford to drive me 2 hours away and pay for the tall sizes. 

While in college, I broke up with my boyfriend and I was miserable. I came to the realization that I needed that Jesus I’d experienced as a child so I went to the campus ministry building and sat there for 6 hours, hoping that just one person coming in and out of Bible study would realize that I was new there and stop to chat, but no one did so I went on without Him, but attended church sporadically until I graduated. 

After college, I married my boyfriend of 3 ½ years and life got miserable real fast. I was definitely not ready for marriage. Between that and the stress of my job, I became ill and went to the doctor. As I lay on the table, I noticed a sign on the ceiling that said “Lord, please help me remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that you and I can’t handle together.” My diagnosis was that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and valium was prescribed. In that day, any kind of mental or emotional illness carried a negative stigma. They didn’t know then what they know now about it. As I sat in my living room the next day I became hopeless. My life was miserable and I was going crazy, or so I thought. I felt like such a failure. I thought about how nothing I ever did in life seemed to completely please anyone and about my poor husband having to live with a crazy person and decided to end my life. As I held the whole bottle of valium in my hand and put them to my mouth, that sign from the doctor’s office and my windowsill experiences played in my mind like a motion picture. I got up, flushed the pills down the toilet and started reading my Bible every time I felt sick. I started at Genesis 1. I didn’t understand half of what I read but I could tell that the words had a calming effect on my heart. Several months later, I sat in a church in State College, PA. I wasn’t particularly listening to the sermon, (Sorry, Pastor B). I was talking to the Lord in my head telling Him how unloved and unlovely I felt and in my head, I heard His voice. He told me that He loved me and invited me to have a love relationship with Him. It was so appealing to me because by then I was desperate for love and I found myself walking to the front of the church sobbing while the Pastor was still preaching. I don’t know if he intended to have an altar call or not, but I caused one. A sweet lady prayed with me and I literally felt what seemed like a 2 ton weight lift off my shoulders and I don’t think that my feet touched the floor the whole way to my car. I have never looked back or gone back to my old life. I have never been the same. I have never regretted letting Jesus love me.

A few weeks after I was saved, my husband was also saved and we stopped talking about divorce. The time came when we wanted children but I could not get pregnant. One day while reading my Bible I came across some verses that said that the Lord would make me a joyful mother of children, so I looked up to heaven and I said, Lord, it says right here that you can make me a joyful mother of children. I know you are very busy taking care of the missionaries and people in real trouble, but when you have time, could you please make it so that I can have children? Again, I felt that presence. It didn’t just descend this time.  It came in my driveway, around to my back door, through my kitchen and into the room where I was sitting and just rested real heavy for a minute or two and then went away. After that I had a peace where there had once been sadness when I thought of having children.  I was a new Christian and I didn’t understand that He had healed my body until a few weeks later when I found out that we were going to have a baby. I had told the Lord that I would like a blond haired, blue eyed girl with a sweet disposition and a passion for Him and the Lord gave me just what I asked for. As a result, I realized that I may belong to the largest family in the world-the family of God-but when I call my Father, it’s like I’m His only child and He gives His full attention to me and comes to visit me wherever I am. I’m that special to Him. And so are you.

Through the years, many things like this have happened. God miraculously saved the lives of two of my children after a doctor said they were unresponsive at the scene of a devastating car accident and I was told that they wouldn’t make it. He healed them up enough to go home in just 2 months instead of the six months the doctors had predicted. I was told time and time again that something miraculous was happening by the doctors, nurses and social workers at the hospital but I told them that they weren’t miracles for God, He was just doing what He does and being who He is. I can honestly say that in every situation where I have needed something, God has come through, whether it was food, money or any other type of provision, the need for a babysitter that I felt I could trust, times when I needed comfort or wisdom in a situation, times that I have needed great courage, or those times when I again felt unloved or unlovely. In fact, I am still learning how deeply and completely God loves me and that His love is perfect love. How many without God can say that they are loved with perfect love? I honestly don’t know anyone who wouldn’t want the kind of love I have found in God. 

I’ve seen Him work in the lives of others bringing them through abuse to joy, healing eating disorders, making Himself real to them no matter how far from Him they are, turning them from being evil doers to lovers of good, from being negative to being hopeful, from feeling fatherless to knowing a Father’s love, and from being addicted to complete freedom. He’s REAL and He’s REALLY GOOD!

That doesn’t mean that I am perfect or that my life is easy. Anyone who knows me knows how imperfect I truly am. It doesn’t mean that bad things never happen to me, they do. I have faced and currently am facing difficult hardships That’s called life. It doesn’t mean that I never fail or make mistakes.  But I have found that I can be in hard circumstances on the outside but  still have peace, hope and expectation of good on the inside as long as I remember that He is with me through it all and that He is the solution to every problem that I face. I navigate life knowing that He is there, guiding me and holding my hand. I’m never alone.  I can expect good to come because I know He sees the end from the beginning.  He’s ready to help 24/7 and knows what I need before I even ask and has an answer all ready when I call. I love that no matter where I am, I can create a windowsill moment and can feel His presence anytime that I need Him or just want to spend some time in His presence. I love that His words, found in the Bible, have life in them. When I read them, they change me, comfort me, and remind me of the hope I have in Him, both in this life and the next. I love that this life is not all we have. It’s just the precursor to an eternal life where there are no tears, no pain, no needs or wants, just peace and joy and total fulfillment. I love that this is available for anyone who truly wants it no matter how far from Him you may think that you are. He has opened love’s gate and He will hold onto you and never let you go. 

If anyone would like to talk with me further about my experience or if you have questions about how to know that God is there for you as He has been for me, please contact me. I would love to tell you about Him. #Jesuschangedmylife
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OOphIgGkjM&list=FLBA67jVBbzwjsnwjTYrmfsQ&index=6&t=0s

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60th Birthday Cancelled by Covid-19

4/9/2020

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I turned 60 near the end of February. Well, technically, I'm still 59 because we haven't celebrated my birthday yet. I got sick with what will probably prove to be Covid-19 the day before. It put my birthday on hold. I got it from my husband. It's the worst gift he ever gave me. I thought the electric can opener he gave me years ago was the worst gift. (It had cows on it and I love cows so his heart was in the right place, but his mind was where it always is--on food. LOL It was then he was informed by a friend that gifts with cords or that caused me to work were unacceptable unless they were on a list I had produced. So cameras and keyboards would be okay.) Then my son-in-law broke his ankle and we postponed my celebration another week which brought us right up to the recommendations to stay away from people because of Covid-19.

I haven't been healthy a day of my 59/60th year because I had a sinus infection early in the year and my ear clogged. Then the Lord healed it just a short time before I fell ill with the virus and it's been clogged ever since. My doctor's appointment to get the tube so that I could hear in that ear was cancelled due to the coronavirus so I've been deaf and claustrophobic for months now, but I'm handling it. The family joke seems to be people texting me to ask "when we are going to celebrate my birthday, hahahaha!" I don't mind except I was really looking forward to having red velvet cake. Red velvet cake has always been MY birthday cake until my husband hijacked it for his birthday which falls two weeks before mine. Then my son also requested it for his birthday which is four days before mine. By the time my birthday rolled around, I just requested a twinkie with a candle because I was sick of red velvet cake. I was sick of cake period. But this year, my husband requested something different, as did my son, so I was all set to get the red velvet cake for my birthday. 

I thought that maybe the day I turned 60, well when I was supposed to turn 60, was going to be my last day on earth. In fact, I asked the Lord to take me home for my birthday as I had no desire to live one more day because of the pain that I was in from the fever. He didn't respond and I'm still here. He really doesn't pay much attention to the requests made while in delirium. I've always hoped that after you hit a certain older age that life levels out and your normal becomes boring and routine-something that I was welcoming. I couldn't have been more wrong! Life for me, especially the last 5 years has been as close to hell as I ever desire to get. 

In 2014, our entire family got food poisioning from some Chinese food we purchased from a local grocery store for a birthday celebration.  In just 5 short hours, the entire bunch (all 7) were fighting over toilets. I was the only one left unscathed, probably because I seem to have an iron stomach or slow digestion, which in this case was a blessing because I didn't get sick until everyone else was starting to get better which meant that no one died in the process. 

Because of the food poisioning my husband developed a yeast intolerance that resulted in life and death situations for the next 3-4 years, so many trips to the ER that we were on a first name basis, and 5 surgeries that now have him classified as a six-million dollar man because of all the re-construction to his innards. I'll spare you the details except to say that it was a very scary time and that was one expensive egg roll!

At the same time all of this was going on with my husband, one day my retina decided to say "talleyho!" and I was rushed to a hospital 1 1/2 hours away to save my eyesight. After surgery and 4 additional procedures, I am happy to say that I see better now than I have since "legs got frames" in fourth grade.  Legs was my nickname, and if you know me at all, you understand why. Then my OBGYN discovered something awry and scheduled surgery but it was postponed because my pre-surgery EKG was abnormal and I failed the subsequent stress test and had to see a cardiologist who prescribed a drug to help regulate my heart beat so that the OBGYB could eventually operate. After the operation, my biopsy came back wierd so I had to have hormone therapy and biopsies every 6 months for the next two years. A biopsy is basically where they give you two aspirin, hold your hand, stick a knife in you to slice off a piece while trying to distract you by talking about pumpkin pie. That was my experience anyway. You can only find so many things to say about pumpkin pie, although it is one of my favorites but thinking of slicing a pie while you are being sliced is not all that helpful. 

On top al all of this, my job got more stressful and there were several family issues that happaned that all but destroyed my heart, panic attacks and anxiety, my brothers untimely and unexpected passing in 2018 and my dad's passing one year later, to the day, leaving my sister and I reeling. Then came a career change for my husband and a new church family after having been at the same church for 26 years. Life just seemed to be spinning totally out of my control. I felt like I was on a roller coaster and I couldn't get off. 

I came to the conclusion that I needed to take a step back and reboot. I had been sensing in my spirit that a big change was coming for awhile and that I wasn't going to be at my job forever. One day, while running reports, the Lord told me to quit. So immediately, I sent my resignation letter to my boss and then called my husband and told him what I did. I probably shouldn't have done it in that order but when God speaks that loudly, it's best to just obey. 

So even before Covid-19, I was adjusting to a totally new lifestyle and a completely open schedule. While most people are finding it hard to adjust to this new situation, I haven't been too bothered by it all except that it's horrible that so many are sick and dying.

I love being home. I love the extra time to cook and prepare nice meals for my family instead of the Wal-Mart special (rotisseree chicken, Amish macaroni salad, and frozen vegetables) for a quick meal after a stressful day at work.

I love that I can wake up, grab my Bible and spend as much time as I want with the Lord before getting out of bed in the morning.

I love that I can go to the creek and not have to worry about setting an alarm to insure that I'm not late getting back from my lunch hour.

I love that I can stop what I'm doing and take a worship break at my piano anytime and as many times a day as I please. It's hard for me to see a keyboard and not play it, even if it's on display at Cracker Barrell.

I love that I'm getting things done around the house that have needed done for a long time.

I love that I have time to be a blessing to someone every day-something that I've added to my daily schedule checklist.

I love that I can spend more time with family than ever before, well until this virus thing came along.

I love that all the things that used to be "me things" that were lost in the turmoil of the last 5 years are returning, like the love of kneading and baking bread, knitting, photography, writing, reading, singing, composing music and cooking.

I love that I have time to develop new friendships with some very lovely ladies that that the Lord has brought into my life.

I love that if I can't decide between the two Bible study options that I can attend both instead of having to choose!

 love the church that the Lord has seen fit to settle me in even though it probably wouldn't have been the one I would have chosen on my own.

I love being able to attend church functions that I had absolutely no responsbility in planning.

I love to throw my hands up in the air in worship. For the last 26 years, I've played the piano and couldn't but I must admit that I miss playing the piano in church. 

I love being able to take on-line classes to improve my skills and to explore new areas that I never had time to consider before.

I love living a more peaceful, less cluttered, less hectic and more simple lifestyle.

I will definetely continue it even after I'm allowed to be out and about. I may even tackle my nemesis-baking good cookies. Has there even been a cookie sheet invented that will take my dough and make it yummy??? Do you believe in miracles? LOL! 

So maybe almost turning 60 is not as bad as I thought it would be.

I have my health, in fact, I've never been healthier than I am right now, except the ear issue. That's easily fixed. 

I have a home that keeps getting more appealing as I paint and organize and decorate.

I have people who love and support me unconditionally.

I have Jesus, the one who loves me with a perfect love. That is such an awesome thought. Hallmark has nothing on Him!

I have a bright future, both here and in eternity-which by the way, I'm not in a hurry to investigate now that the fever is gone but it has certainly given me more empathy for people who suffer from chronic conditions.

I have life! So many cannot say that in the midst of this pandemic.

I have choices and options and potential. I live in a free country. Life is good! 

Yes, there are still situations that are hurting my heart that are competely out of my control. It's called life. But as I've spent much more time with God in the last 9 months than I've ever had the blessing of doing before, I'm learning that it's better to leave things in His loving, capable hands. It's so freeing! In the morning the first thing I do is give those things to Him. And when I lay my head down at night, I thank Him for working in those things that day even if I can't see or feel that anything has changed or is different. I learned a long time ago not to judge a situation by progress because progress is fluid and runs both directions. Life sometimes gives us detours but with God at the helm we can know we will reach our destination. He is the pilot and I just need to sit back and let him do the flying. My hope is in God and His promises and He has never failed to keep even one of them yet. His answers don't always look like what I envisioned but they are always just what I need.  I wish I could say that it is easy to do this, but it's not. I find myself grabbing things back from Him sometimes to see if there is anything I can do to help Him along. But there isn't. I just need to let Him have them and live knowing that He is able, willing and will "accomplish all that concerns me." I just need to let Him have control. After 60 years-almost, that is the best thing I could say to anyone. Just let God be God to you. I can promise you will never regret it.






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