Atypical Pastors Wife
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Noise From The Barnyard

This is where family and friends hang out and discuss world events, family happenings, valley news and things I'm "moosing" about.  It's the day to day across the fence chatter.

Seriously, How Has The Human Race Lasted This Long Without Exfoliators?

5/15/2013

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I was in Walmart the other night looking for some cream to slap on my face.  I encountered a couple doing the very same thing.  The woman was very attractive as was the man but he looked a bit older than her.  She was going on and on about him needing an exfoliator and a nice night cream.  He looked about as thrilled as he would at a prostrate exam with the whole process.  So, she enlisted me to help convince him that he NEEDED this stuff.  

"Look at him, she said, he's the same age as me!  Doesn't he look a lot older than I do."  Now, being the honest person that I am, I chose to respond truthfully to myself seeing that she probably wouldn't have wanted to hear that "everyone looks years younger with 3 lbs of makeup on their face.", but instead I said, "he doesn't look that bad.  He just looks like he's been in the sun.  Does he wear sunscreen?  My dermatologist told me that Bullfrog brand is the best."  Now this was starting to feel a bit weird   We were standing there talking about this obviously clueless man like he wasn't there.  

He looked at me and grinned and said "What is an exfoliator?"  My best explanation was to tell him that "it's what your Momma used to call a good scrubbin' with soap and a washcloth."  "OH MY, his wife exclaimed, you should NEVER use a washcloth on your face!!!"  Who Knew???  I sure didn't!!!!  I guess it's okay to scratch the bigeebers out of your face with a Buffpuff, but NOT a washcloth, NO SIR!   Refusing to back down she continued looking at all the creams, lotions and such.  I just looked at the guy with a sympathetic shrug and said "It's a wonder that the human race has lasted this long without exfoliators" to which he replied, "Thanks for trying!"   I leaned in a little closer and pointed to my face and said "Bullfrog!"  

The whole thing would really be comical if it weren't so sad!  Honestly, many things people are wrapped up and concerned about today are just so trivial.  Why are so many trying to reverse the aging process?  It AIN'T gonna work!  What is the point anyway? To look good in your casket so that people can stand over you and say "oh, they look better than they ever did?  They had such nice skin."   I'm not against taking care of yourself, but there is a limit and most Americans are so far from that line, they don't even remember it existed!  Limits?? Limits, you say??  Oh yea, that's right.  Limits is now a cuss word in the English language.  No wonder people are so neurotic!   They have their noses stuck so far in their navals, it's a wonder they can even breathe!  

Have you ever heard women say "Oh, I can't just go out!  Not without my face on!"  What???  I've never seen anyone in public without a face on!    I've seen that some faces are prettier than others but honestly are you going to stay home because you don't have makeup on?  If you wear that much, no one will recognize you anyway, so your secret is still safe!!!  

I tend to agree with the wise sage Tertullian, an early church father-who by the way, said some very provocative things about women-when he said, and I paraphrase, "if you have to get up in the morning and make yourself look different, it's like a slap in the face of God and is telling Him that He didn't do a good enough job when He dreamed, created and molded you in your mother's womb, so you have to fix His handiwork."  (By the way, if you are easily offended or close minded, please don't read Tertullian.  He will probably burn your biscuits, if you catch my drift.)  

Anyway, I guess my point is that it really caused me to think about what I do with my money and my time in light of eternity.  That is the key!  And we won't be judged on how good we look because we will all be perfected..for eternity!!!  But we will be judged according to what we did with our time and our money...in light of eternity.  Were we in the foxholes of battle in prayer?  Did we train and run according the rules?  Did we finish the course?  And how many did we bring along with us?  How many Bibles could the money we spend on one jar of exfoliator buy?  How many meals could one jar of night cream provide a starving family?  Do we really NEED 30 pairs of shoes when there are people all over the world without even one pair?  What are we trying to prove anyway?  

Just some food for thought and if you're going out in the sun to contemplate, remember-- "Bullfrog!"  

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Questions, Questions, Questions!

5/9/2013

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Recently I read the blog of a friend who encouraged readers to honestly examine some areas of thought and practice in their lives.  It reminded me of the list tacked inside the front of my Bible that are the questions the members of the  Holy Club asked themselves and each other when they met.  Club membership included:
  • John Wesley - founder of the Methodist Church[1]
  • Charles Wesley - famous hymn writer[1]
  • John Gambold - bishop of the Moravian Church[1]
  • John Clayton - distinguished Anglican churchman[1]
  • James Hervey - noted religious writer[1]
  • Benjamin Ingham - famous evangelist in Yorkshire[1]
  • Thomas Brougham - secretary of the Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge[1]
  • George Whitefield - famous clergyman associated both with the First Great Awakening in the United States and the Evangelical Revival in England[1] 
Quite an impressive group!  They were very well known for asking hard hitting questions.  Not only did they ask themselves these questions but they also asked each other these questions.  In fact, one question that John Wesley regularly asked the young ministers under his charge in their group meetings was "What sins did you commit this week?"  Ouchie!  Can you imagine trying to get away with this today?  Of course, this man and the ministers under his charge turned the world and the church upside down.  That's something I can't include on my resume.

It's easy for us to say "yes, I spend too much time watching t.v., I spend too much time on the internet, I really should stop eating potato chips and chocolate, drinking so much coffee, or spending so much time shopping."  Somehow that doesn't really seem to be all that bad, as sins go, of course but it's a whole other level to be able to say in a group "I told a lie this week, I struggled with sexual temptation or I didn't spend much time in prayer."  Below is the list of questions that the Holy Club used on a daily basis to hold themselves and each other accountable.  I had been looking at them once a day but got out of the habit.  But after reading my friend's blog, I think I'll start doing it again. It's always helpful to me to ask myself "why" when I can't answer one of these questions the way that I should.

WARNING!  THESE QUESTIONS WILL DIG RIGHT DOWN TO THE HEART OF THE "ISSUES" OF YOUR LIFE AND WILL, WHEN CONTEMPLATED, ANSWERED HONESTLY AND PRAYED ABOUT PRODUCE HOLINESS IN YOU!  So...here goes!


  • Am I creating the impression that I'm better than I am?
  • Am I honest in all my acts and words?
  • Do I break confidence-tell other's secrets?
  • Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, habits?
  • Can I be trusted?
  • Am I self-conscious, self-pitying or self-justifying?
  • Did God's Word live in me today?
  • Am I enjoying my prayer time?
  • When was the last time I shared my faith?
  • Do I pray about the money I spend?
  • Do I go to bed on time and get up on time?
  • Do I disobey God in anything?
  • Do I have an uneasy conscience?
  • Am I defeated in any part of my life?
  • Am I jealous, impure, critical, touchy, irritable, or distrustful?
  • Am I proud?
  • How do I spend my spare time?
  • Do I thank God that I am not like others?
  • Is there anyone I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, disregard or resent?
  • Do I grumble and complain?
  • Is Christ real to me?





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