​One of my co-workers had a bowl of Tootsie rolls on his desk to share with everyone. They are the smallest size tootsie roll and when you're having a sugar craving just right to squelch it. They are only 11 calories and since I don't usually eat all my points in a day anyway, I don't feel bad about eating one. So that's five a week or 55 calories.


The problem comes in when I pop that candy into my mouth and the phone rings. Rather than gross out my co-workers by spitting it our and saving it, I just have to chew it as fast as I can before I answer the phone. Then I feel as if I was cheated, so I go get another one. On days when I'm weak, I might end up eating 3-4 of those delicious little bites and THAT IS NOT GOOD! Because after all is said and done, I might have close to 100 calories invested in those little brown devils. That's 15 minutes of walking at a fast pace to burn that off!


The bad thing is now my body wants at least one everyday at 3 pm. I have sworn off the temptation but my flesh is still longing, crying for, aching for a Tootsie roll. It tells me that just one won't hurt. It's not breaking the rules. It's well within the allowable guidelines. And so on and so on.


In our spiritual lives, the devil has a bowl of Tootsie Rolls that he is more than willing to share with us. Those little things in scripture that aren't marked as wrong, but that we are cautioned about. It's okay to have a little wine for your stomach, but notice he said "a little. For medicinal reasons. It's not prohibited. I can't say that someone who drinks a glass of wine now and then is going to hell. The problem is that things like this cause us to walk close to a line that we don't want to cross, if we truly love God, that is.


Let's look at alcohol for a minute. The Bible does tell us that the drunkard will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. From my BC (before Christ) days, I know that it is hard to tell when you have crossed the line from sober to drunk. The law has an allowable limit, but that doesn't mean it's the same as God's. Then factor in tolerance, that the longer we drink, the more we need to get the feeling we were seeking in the first place and soon we are not just taking one tootsie roll from the bowl and if we're not careful we have crossed the line into sin. (As a side thought I would just add that I have no earthly idea why a Christian would "need" a drink. There is nothing found in alcohol that you won't find more abundantly in Christ. If you feel that you "need " a drink, then friend, what you really need is Christ.)


You might say that you can handle it, that you know how much you can drink and stay sober. Godly Noah thought he could to. Read Genesis and see how that worked for him.  Proverbs 20:1 clearly tells us that drinking is not wise. We are always seeking God's wisdom for the things that affect our lives-our marriages, raising our children, making business decisions, handling problems-so why won't we accept the wisdom God freely gives us without us asking? Why do we feel that we have to walk so close to the line just because we can? It's called carnality.


Billy Graham describes the carnal Christian as follows:
"There was a time, perhaps, when you were a spiritual Christian. You still had your first love; a fire burned in your heart for God. But something has happened along the way, something has disturbed your relationship with God, and you no longer know the joy, the peace and the thrill that you once knew." You have fallen prey to the three enemies of your soul-the world, the flesh and the devil and somehow it appears to be sweet like a Tootsie roll that just beckons to you from the bowl.


There are other things as well that if we overindulge in, they will steal our fidelity, strength and resolve and cause us to lose out with God. What are the tootsie rolls in your life? Is it entertainment? Music? The Sabbath? Modesty?


Take each tootsie roll and ask yourself these questions:
Will it benefit me spiritually?
Is there the potential for bondage?
Will it defile my temple?
Could it cause anyone to stumble?
Will it further the cause of evangelism?
Will it violate my conscience?
Will it bring glory to God?


If you truly want to please the Lord, err on the side of safety. Don't get too close to the edge. Don't walk on the line. Your enemy, the devil, is waiting for an opportunity, any opportunity to trip you up.

I don't think I've shared much about my husband's health issues the last 3 years. In 7 days, we will encounter the third anniversary of the beginning of years of trips to the emergency room, tests, doctors, pain and unanswered questions. Three years ago, my son requested Chinese food from a local restaurant. We obliged. I also made some food from scratch to complement it. At around 5pm, our whole family-my 4 children, son-in-law, grandsons and husband sat down, gave thanks and ate. 

At 9pm, I got a call from my oldest daughter. She and her husband were very sick and needed help. My toddler grandson was fine and the nursing baby was also well, but they were literally fighting over the toilet because they were vomiting so violently and often. I rushed over to their house to take care of them. At around 11pm, I got a text from my oldest son. He, my youngest daughter and my youngest son were still living at home. The text read "by the way...the rest of us are sick too." In other words, come home Mom! I stayed until about 3am at my daughter's house, helping to feed the baby from a bottle and making sure that the sick were at least trying to hydrate. 

When I arrived home, our two bathrooms were being put to the test. Four people were violently ill. I felt fine though. I had eaten very little of the store bought food. I went to the store and loaded up on Gatorade, Popsicles, and chicken noodle soup. I called off work to take care of them. That evening I began to feel ill as well and ended up joining them in the bathroom runs just as some of them were starting to feel better. I missed another days work because I was laid up too. 

On day three, I called the health department to let them know that we had gotten food poisoning from the restaurant. Their first question was, "did you go to the hospital and get stool samples?" I informed him that we didn't because I couldn't fit nine people, two car seats, and a toilet in my van all at the same time. Because they couldn't match our bacteria to bacteria at the restaurant and because no other people not related to us reported food poisoning, they had to deduce that we had caught a virus. I laughed as I said that he had better call the Center of Disease Control because this virus spread faster than yellow fever and the Bubonic Plague. 

After recovering from the initial poisoning, my husband began to have trouble.  He had two hernia surgeries. He started to get sick during dinner. It took us several months of cutting certain foods out of his diet to come to the conclusion that he had developed a yeast intolerance. We later learned that this is common after having a serious case of food poisoning. This caused us to totally revamp what we ate. I read every food label at the store before putting it in my basket. We quit eating out except for two restaurants because all the other places made him sick. Basically we started eating like cave men without the fancy label of Paleo. That summer, he got to a place where he could not eat anything except water melon. For three weeks he lived on water melon and lost 30 lbs. He went to the doctor who ran every blood test you can run and did a sonogram on every major organ of his body and pronounced him completely normal. Eventually he began to eat again but nothing was ever found. After that, he began to have painful abdominal attacks. They were so severe that I would practically carry him into the emergency room. This happened every 4-7 weeks for the next 2 years. Every time we went to the emergency room, we got a different diagnosis. 

One x-ray revealed that he had a large hiatal hernia and his stomach had gone up into his chest cavity and lodged against his lung. A surgeon operated and sewed his stomach back in place, attaching it to his diaphragm to keep it in place. They also took his gall bladder, just in case. We were hopeful that this would end the attacks he had been having but they didn't. Within one week he was back in hospital and then again in a few weeks after that. A gastrointestinal specialist was called in. She did an endoscopy, a colonoscopy and a stomach emptying test.  All were normal. He was officially declared a mystery. 

Over the last 3 months I noticed that he seemed sick more often. In fact, about 3 weeks ago, he was just sick all the time. He tried to brave it out with me begging him to call the doctor again. Two Thursdays ago he asked me if I would mind staying home from work because he was feeling very rough. I of course agreed. By 8am I knew we were in trouble and I rushed him to the emergency room. A CAT scan revealed that he had a band of tissue, much like a rubber band growing around the outside of the colon and squeezing it off. So back to the operating room he went. After 7 days in the hospital, 4 of those with a large hose up his nose and down his throat to drain his stomach and prevent nausea, and a six inch stapled incision on his abdomen, he has come home to rest, recuperate and gain back the 14 lbs he lost when he went 7 days without any solid food. 

To say that this and many other serious situations that we faced over the last 3 years were anything but excruciating would be a lie. Never in my life have I ever been so pressed, crushed and persecuted than I was then. The physical, emotional and yes, spiritual toll that life took on me was greater than I could have ever imagined. After all, I've been a dedicated Christian for 35 years. I've seen a lot and been through a lot of crushing situations. I would have never imagined that I could ever be in the place that I came to be just a few months ago. 

In the last week someone texted me to encourage me and said something about how strong I am. That immediately scared me. You see, I know that I am strong in the Lord but I also know that I am not as strong as my enemy. I am not invincible. My life over the last 1 1/2 years proved that to me. I suffered greatly in several situations. It was so bad that I even questioned God on many levels and spent two weeks totally prayerless doubting and accusing God. I'm not proud of this but it's the truth.  

So often we face our giants without a word to anyone else. There are times when that is necessary. However, God has given us something called "family" in Him. They are there for the purpose of support and help and prayer. Unfortunately there is much teaching in the church that discourages us from using them. Some teaching would tell us that to be needy in faith is lack of faith. We don't want to appear weak in faith, so we say nothing and bear our pain alone, leaving us isolated and vulnerable to an enemy who is much stronger than we are. 

My fear was that people would look at me and say "She is strong. She can handle this." and then they wouldn't pray for me. I didn't want to imagine that I was going to have to make it through my struggles on my own prayers alone. Perhaps they would be enough but it's a whole lot better to have numbers when you are facing something that is larger than you. As humbling as it might be to admit that you are having trouble keeping "the faith", we have to realize that it can happen to anyone and I mean anyone. It can happen to the strongest person you know. It can happen to the leadership in your church. It can happen to your Pastor, your mentor, or the person who led you to the Lord. We are all subject to the devil's wrath and he is stronger and more cunning than we are. He is out to destroy us. If we allow our pride or the false teaching that tells us that we are invincible to keep us from humbling ourselves in times of need and admitting that we need support, we will surely fail in our spiritual lives. 

The Apostle Paul not only prayed for others but he asked for prayer from others as well. He was strong but even he still needed prayer. He faced opposition and situations that were much larger than he was. I believe it was the prayers of others that sustained him and made him victorious in every situation that he faced. In Philippians 1:19-20 Paul said " for I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayers and the provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, 20 according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death." Notice he said provision of the Spirit AND the prayers of the saint. Both were asked for. 

So the next time you see a brother or sister facing a situation, don't assume that they are strong enough to handle it on their own. You don't know all the facts. You don't where they've been or what they're facing. You don't know the unseen torment they may be experiencing or the flack they are taking from the enemy of their souls. You don't know how high the enemy has piled their plate. So even if it seems that they should be able to weather this alone, pray for them anyway and if God lays something practical on your heart that you could do to make their load a little lighter, do it, even if it may seem unnecessary. I can tell you from experience, it could be a lifeline that they desperately need to make it through and glorify God.

I have not said much, if anything, about our presidential election. Since emotions were running so high on both sides I decided to keep my mouth shut, do my civic duty and vote my moral conscience. Since the election, those on the losing side have spewed forth a constant stream of slurs and insults at people like me who did not vote the way they did. They have rioted in the streets, destroying public and private property and assaulting innocent people who are just trying to exercise their right to drive down the street their tax dollars have paved. Even people I work with have talked about cutting off friendships with those of such opposing views. In the wake of all the talk from the left of diversity of thought, acceptance of ALL religions and ideals, and tolerance, I honestly have to wonder if their definition of those words are in a dictionary I have never seen before. Granted it is not ALL that voted for Hillary who are being obnoxious and I would never deny anyone their freedom of speech. I get that. I just wish that those that voted for Hillary would get it too. Just because I voted for a man they consider a monster does not make me one too. I think Hillary is a monster but that doesn't make everyone who voted for her one. In the past they voted in one Bill Clinton whose sexual escapades and predatory tendencies were well known before he ran for president. And since I'm speaking frankly, as a woman, I can't understand why her supporters believed her for one minute when she presented herself as a champion of the cause for women. She knowingly and willingly covered for a sexual predator. Not only did she do that but she also then threatened the women he victimized if they came out and said what really happened to them. She did this for her political gain, not because she cares so much about women. She has betrayed women at the deepest level.

As far as her glass ceiling is concerned, that is a moot point. The issue in any election is not if the president wears a bra or not, it's who is most qualified to address the needs of the country at that present time and what they are planning to do to move our country forward. I think there are many women in our country qualified to be president and some day one of them may just be president but the fact that they are a woman is not what qualifies or disqualifies them! 

Just because I voted for Donald Trump, and yes, I held my nose as I did it, does not mean that I hate blacks, Muslims, gays, foreigners or women. For heavens' sake, I am a woman! They make it sound like I have neither morals or a conscience just because I voted for someone they deemed unfit for office. I don't recall thinking the same of them when they elected Barak Obama and I did not think he was qualified either. I didn't go downtown and riot, I didn't smash people's windshields, I didn't need a therapy dog, or playdough or a box of tissues. I did up the prayer time though and hey...I survived not 4 years but 8 of President Obama;s failed policies! You can certainly survive 4 years of The Donald.

I will concede that morally, Donald Trump is ranking pretty high up there as the most immoral Republican candidate ever elected to run but anyone who has followed the career path of Hillary Clinton over the last 30 years would know that she is hanging right in there with Donald Trump on a moral level. I did not vote according to the morals of the candidates because I'm not sure that either one of them has any.  I did however vote moral and constitutional issues and made sure that my vote supported those that are closest to God's heart and our constitution.

I voted to spare the unborn from a horrific murder when they are just a few minutes from their first breath. If when a heart stops beating, life ends, then it only makes sense that when it starts beating life begins. To abort a child is ending a life, pure and simple. God created that child, He is knitting it together in the womb, He has a plan for that child. In my mind, God has already made "the choice" concerning both the mother and the child and I don't believe that we have the right to override what God has already designed and out of His love planned a life for. You can throw all the "well what abouts" in my face but at the end of the day there is a solution for the woman who was raped, the woman who was loose, and the woman who forgot her birth control. It is called adoption, not abortion. Most women who end up with an unplanned pregnancy were in a position to make a choice and didn't choose to be responsible for her own body and prevent the chance of pregnancy. In the case of rape, aborting the child will not reverse, soften or make the memory of the rape any easier. It will only add to the problems the mother is already facing. A very high percentage of women who abort children end up in crisis months and even years down the road because it's wrong and eventually the fact that it is built into a human being to know it's wrong, it catches up to her and she is once again in crisis. 

I voted to protect our constitution. Hillary has wafted back and forth on constitutional issues so much through the years, depending on who she was speaking to, that I'm not sure she even knows where she really stands on these issues. However, it was the founding father's intention that we have the right to freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and the right to bear arms to protect ourselves against a government taking over and leaving us defenseless to defend our freedom. In every other country where candidates said they weren't taking guns, there were only "registering" them, they ended up taking them and the crime in those countries is on the rise. Furthermore, once freedoms are taken away, it costs blood and guts to get them back, so why take them in the first place. Gun control will only embolden and enable the criminals in this country because they do not get or use guns in a lawful way. And please, don't be so naive to believe that once freedoms start to disappear that it will only affect the rights of the right leaning. Believe me, they will get around to your rights too.

I voted to protect the future of this country's economy. Surely you know that we have a very serious debt problem! It's not all Barak's making, but he certainly did nothing to help it or stop it. I don't understand why so many Democrats somehow think money is a bad thing. They don't mind George Soros having it.  They don't mind the Clintons having it. I don't see either George or Hillary offering to give theirs to the gov to spread around. Of course, you can't touch it when it's stored in overseas accounts. To give money to spend on the less fortunate, you have to have it. And I believe that I should be free to give to those I come acrossed that are in need. I tithe my money to the church and they in turn support many organizations that directly bless my neighbors here and also feed others around the world. In addition, I give above and beyond the 10% to causes and needs when I see them. In fact, the giving of Republicans to charities FAR exceed that of the Democrats. To be honest, I give more each year to help those in need than either Barak Obama or Joe Biden. I have the right to decide where the money I toiled for goes, not some demagog in Washington DC who usually have their noses shoved so far in the navals they are totally out of touch. Bill Clinton actually wasn't too bad on this issue, but as we all know, Hillary does not listen to Bill. If she had, she might have won the election. 

My point here is that I have the right, according the rhetoric of the Democrats and the constitution to have an opinion, voice my opinion, be respected in my opinions, and to vote my conscience EVEN IF it doesn't line up with theirs. But that's not what I'm experiencing. The arrogance of thinking that you and only you are right and anyone else who thinks differently than you is deplorable, a sexist, a misogynist, a homophobe, and all the other "phobes" makes you just as much a phobe as you say I am.

Republicans were not out killing Muslims or gays before the election. We were not restricting the rights of women before the election either, in fact the Republicans have throughout history been the champions for the oppressed and downcast. We are not trying to rid the country of immigrants. Most of or ancestord were immigrants.  We just want immigration done lawfully.  Truly, what is wrong with the rule of law? It has held this country together and made it great.

Republicans are not the monsters you are making us out to be. We are people, just like the Democrats who love our families and who want to provide a safe, healthy, comfortable environment for our families. If you can't accept that I am a human being deserving of respect and to voice my own opinion, then you aren't a very big person. And even though I don't like Donald Trump for a lot or reasons, I think that some of his ideas are going to be good for our country. I didn't like Barak Obama either but I never unfriended people or belittled and slandered those who do. Seriously, that is just childish and narcissistic.  

I was scared when Obama got elected twice but I didn't react the way some Democrats are today. It's absolutely ridiculous the things that are being spread by the media and those Democrats that don't want this country, for whatever twisted reason. to come together. Let's settle in, work together. We are, as Hillary said, stronger together and together we can make America great again. 

We may differ in ideas, but at the end of the day we really aren't that much different.

​I've needed to lose weight for years. As I approached a weight that was almost unbelievable to me, I decided that I had to take action. Why I waited so long, I don't know. Until I had 4 children it was never an issue for me. Then life got real busy...4 kids, 2 brain injured...5 jobs between my husband and I to pay for the accident that caused the brain injuries...busy church activities...and the list goes on and on. Before I knew it, I was getting very overweight. Now being the tall girl that I am, I could carry a lot of weight but one day the scale, that does not lie, let me know that something needed to be done. 

I started looking on line because Google knows everything right?. I had no idea what to believe.  All the information was contradictory. It finally just made sense to me one day that I needed to eat less and move more. That's where I started. I didn't lose any weight but I started to feel better.

Then the company that I work for offered a 17 week Weight Watchers program for employees.  They took the fee out of our checks every other week and if we met our weight loss goal, they reimbursed us all but a few dollars of it.  I figured that WW had been around a long time and had a proven track record so I signed on the dotted line. 

The very first thing they called this weight loss program was a weight loss journey. I had already decided that I was not going to count points for the rest of my life so it was no journey for me. For me, this was more of a weight loss experiment. I exercised a minimal amount during the 17 weeks and learned what and how much to eat. I ended up losing 13 lbs. and getting my reimbursement. I do love a challenge! 

Since then, I've continued on-without counting points- to lose weight and I added an exercise regimen to my daily routine. As of my last weigh in, I have lost 47 lbs. My goal is 100 lbs. which would put me at the weight I weighed in college. A lofty goal no doubt but doable with time, patience, and the grace of God. 

I pleasantly surprised the Dr who had me with one foot in the grave and one on a banana peel when he saw my cholesterol levels 6 months ago. I bargained for 6 months to get it down without medication and it dropped 43 points! So now I will not have to take medication for my cholesterol and he is happy as a clam that I dropped so much weight.

Through all of this, I've made a few observations.

I can bend over, tie my shoes and pick up spent brass without suffocating. A most pleasant development. Breathing is good.

I can actually see my toes in the shower. If I suck it all in, I can see my legs too! O happy day!

I can tie my towel around me and it actually closes in the front! That's big when you're standing in front of a mirror!

The scale is my bestest friend.

The scale is my worstest enemy. 

People closest to you will not notice that you lost weight and if they do, they won't say anything except my youngest daughter who says pretty much everything she notices. Gotta love her honesty!

People who want to lose weight will notice that you did but won't ask you how you did it. Instead they will try fad diets and end up gaining weight.

There are no longer lumps in the front of my nightgown. This is both encouraging and disheartening because some things I would have preferred not to shrink have shrunk along with my belly. Oh well. 

When you lose weight you lose weight in your feet! My feet are swimming in my shoes! I guess it's time to buy new!

I'm get cold a lot more and a lot easier. Guess the fat layer just aint what it used to be. Thank goodness for under armor!

Since eating real food, processed food tastes horrible to me. Like last Friday my body told me I just had to have some Pringles. Since it was a cheat day, I bought one of the very small containers and ended up eating only 4 chips before giving the rest to a co-worker and drinking a quart of water to get rid of the taste in my mouth. Sorry Pringles, but you are history.

You really can swallow 2 big fish oil tablets, 6 garlic tablets, 2 turmeric tablets, a multivitamin, and two smaller pills for various symptoms all at once! It feels like my jello chuggin days at VCU where we competed to see who could swallow the largest number of jello squares in one gulp. I maxed out at 6 but my best friend could do 10! The kitchen ladies liked it because they didn't have to recycle the jello! LOL!

My knees don't hurt as much. My back doesn't hurt as often. My hip can take a lot more standing. What the chiropractor couldn't do, losing weight did! That and the diatomaceous earth I throw in my smoothie every morning! If you want to get your pound of dirt that they say it's healthy to eat every year, I recommend this stuff.  I feel great!

I don't recognize myself in photos but am pleasantly pleased when I realize that it's me! LOL!

It's a miserable day when you wear old pants to mow and forget a belt! LOL! You can just imagine that sight. 3 steps. Stop. Pull up pants. 3 steps. Stop. Pull up pants.

Losing weight does not help with stretch marks from 4 children. I guess I'm scarred for life. But to me they are kind of a badge of honor in that I produced life and left something good on the earth. 

Some clothing can just not be taken in no matter how hard you try.

I've become the health fanatic that I always made fun of before. Age has a way of changing you and helping you realize that you're not indestructible! In fact, it can quickly convince you of how vulnerable you really are!

The I need new wedding rings argument, the kind with diamonds, just went down the toilet. The old, original I-married-a-poor-dairy-farmer rings suddenly are fitting. But there's a lot of sentimental value to them. Like scripture says "do not despise small beginnings." 

I wish I would have done this sooner, but that's water under the bridge. When I sit by the creek at lunchtime I almost always think about the fact that the water passing by me will never pass by that way ever again. It reminds me that I have to make the best of each day because I will never pass this way again. Every person that I talk to, everything that I do, needs to be the best that I can muster because I may not get a second chance to be a blessing, to help a neighbor, to further God's Kingdom, or to experience something God has left for me that day. It's a good way to live.

​What a friend we have in Jesus, 
all our sins and griefs to bear! 
What a privilege to carry 
everything to God in prayer! 
O what peace we often forfeit, 
O what needless pain we bear, 
all because we do not carry 
everything to God in prayer.

The world is full of people trying to find peace. They search for it in money, reputation, mystical religions, metaphysical practices, humanism and power of positive thinking, drugs and other addictions, hobbies, logic and food-just to mention a few. Might I just say here that true peace can only come from the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ. 

Unfortunately, I see many Christians who have Christ but do not have His peace evident in their lives.  For the last couple of months, I've been one of them. I found myself blindsided by a situation that was very difficult for me and I could not seem to find peace about it. It was not due to lack of prayer that I was not finding peace.  I was pounding heaven every day, but for some reason peace was at best fleeting, here one day and gone the next. My heart was constantly in turmoil, my mind was constantly racing and eventually my faith began to be affected as well. I came to realize that lack of faith = lack of peace so I had to face the fact that something about the faith I thought I had in this situation was faulty. 

Then someone stood and gave a testimony in church concerning the difference between fact and truth and how it works in our lives. It resonated deeply in my spirit and as I spent the next couple of days meditating on it God began to move on my behalf. The first thing He did was show me that I was being disobedient in my thought life concerning the solution to the situation. To rectify that, He asked me to do something that in my way of thinking, left me more vulnerable than I had been before. It was hard because I had already suffered an unbearable amount of pain, but I obeyed and did what He asked me to do. The next thing he did was remind me of a verse that gave me explicit instructions of what to do in this situation. I mean this verse was tailor made for me at that moment. I wondered why I hadn't thought of it before! I laid down and slept soundly for the first time in months.

In just one moment of decision, EVERYTHING can change both for the better or the worst. When I compare the days before and the day after I finally let go and did things God's way, it makes me stand in awe. The days before I was in an emotional tailspin charging towards a crash emotionally and spiritually.  The days after I felt completely submerged, soaked and saturated in peace. The thing that causes me to marvel is that not one thing about the circumstances (the facts) had changed. But I had changed! I had come into line with the Word of God-finally and I have finally found peace!

In hindsight I realize that my reasoning in the situation was dealing only with facts, not truth and that by following that reasoning, I was being disobedient to God in my thoughts, thus explaining why I couldn't find peace. I had, by my own volition, forfeited my peace and had carried needless pain for weeks by my own efforts to fix or gain some control in the situation. What I had to realize was that I couldn't fix the situation no matter how many facts I gathered. I could only choose to believe that God was on my side with my good as His main intent and to believe that even though what He wanted me to do did not make sense, it was the truth and therefore right and good. 

This is not a foreign concept to me. I've heard it preached for years. I've practiced it on much lower levels but in this situation, because of the high emotional toll it was taking on my heart, I just couldn't get quiet enough before the Lord to hear what He was saying. In that time, God still gave me strength until I got to the end of myself. When I finally cast my burden on Him, he took my burden and replaced it with His peace.  

To forfeit means "to subject to seizure". I had subjected myself to the seizure of my peace by the devil. I'm not very proud of this. It takes a disturbing amount of arrogance to think that your reasonings of the facts will work better than the truth of God's Word. I literally wrestled with God on a daily basis trying to convince Him what would bring me peace.  All the while, He was just trying to take my burden and give me peace but I wouldn't let go of what I thought would be best for me. But God is patient and kind and slow to anger. He quietly waited until I had exhausted all arguments and was totally exhausted myself. Like a parent who just holds tightly to a child who violently fights sleep, God just held me in a tar-baby hold until I finally grew unable to kick any longer and I settled into His loving embrace. It was then He was able to reach me.

I write this as a reminder to anyone else in this same situation. Just let go of your burden and cast it on the Lord. He is able to do exceeding, abundantly above all that we ask or think. Even when his ways seem that they will not work, I can attest that they do.  Trust Him. Believe that He is on your side. He fights for you. You are His child. He will fix everything in His time and in His way and it will right! I know things can look impossible but if you follow His leading He will not lead you astray. 

​We submit to a lot of things in this life. We submit to Doctors because there is a chance that they can heal what ails us. We don’t question their intentions and although we may not like their treatments, we willingly submit to them in order to gain health. We may not enjoy the treatments but yet we endure them.  We submit to the ruling laws of our society because they keep us safe. We don’t speed in school zones, we pay our taxes, we treat other’s property with respect because the laws tell us that we must, but in the end we are the ones who benefit from it in that our children are safe, there are benefits that we enjoy as Americans that others in the world only dream of, and we have resources for living that exist nowhere in the world in such abundance. 

There is something much worse than cancer can ever be that plagues every single human being on earth. That thing is sin. Yet most are reluctant to submit to the one who can deliver them from sin and all of its consequences either because they don’t realize that the things that are plaguing them in life are a symptom of sin or they perceive His treatment as too harsh. We are willing to do whatever it takes to rid of bodies of cancer but unwilling to endure that much to rid ourselves of sin. Cancer is at the very worst temporary. When we die, it dies. Sin remains and is eternal. It would just make sense to want to rid yourself of it. 

So we see that submission in itself is not a bad word or concept. There are many benefits that it provides.  In fact many of the freedoms that we live in come as a result of submission to the boundaries that submission establishes. 

But you ask, how can submission and freedom be bed fellows? Even freedom at it’s highest level has boundaries because without them eventually unrestrained freedom will lead to bondage. Consider the alcoholic. He was free to buy and consume alcohol. But because there was no restraint in his freedom to do this, he becomes a slave to it and enters into a bondage that he cannot escape. This is the devils way. He tells us that the restrictions of God’s Word are burdensome, overbearing, and destructive to our happiness. He tells us that they bind us in the prison of the mundane, that they will keep us from experiencing all that life has to offer.  Wasn’t that his lie to Eve in the garden? He asked her “has God said?” and then convinced her that God was withholding freedoms from her that she should have. The decision that she and Adam made has adversely affected the whole of the human race since that time and will continue until sin has been obliterated from the earth. 

Now we’ve discussed things that we submit to because it benefits us. That is willing submission, but not pleasant submission.  But we also submit to many things because it is pleasant to submit. 

When we meet that one special person we willingly submit to some boundaries in that relationship. For instance, I don’t flirt with men. I don’t flaunt my bodily features in front of them to gain attention. I don’t deny that person my time, my attention or my affection, no, in fact, I’m willing to sacrifice all those things for them. But as many have learned, pleasant submission is not always beneficial to us. Some relationships go sour and one or both parties suffer because we are human and flawed by that thing called sin which leads to self-worship and self-preservation and every other “self-” that there is. We can find ourselves trapped in relationships that are not good, or maybe not even safe for us any longer. 

In light of all of this I have to ask myself, what’s so bad about submitting to the one who can truly set you free? Why not willingly submit to the one whose submission will provide pleasure and complete freedom in all things?  This is hard to fathom because we have only experienced these things within the confines of human experience. God is perfect. His love is perfect. His plans for us are only for our good, joy, completion and freedom. He already is and has all these things for Himself and His only goal is to get them to us. But we see his treatments and solutions as too harsh or restrictive because we can only view them from our own human experience. Because our minds have been poisoned with that same question that God asked Eve “has God said?”, we miss out on the fullness that Adam and Eve experienced before the fall! We are no different than they were.  The same capacities and capabilities that resided in them reside in us. We were hardwired this way at creation. And once the curse of sin is removed, we can once again live in the same communion with God that they did. In fact, our communion with God through the Holy Spirit is better than what they had. It is part of the better covenant.  If that’s not freedom then there is no definition for it. Just as we are willing to submit to some initial discomfort to receive physical healing and health, does it not make sense to submit to some initial emotional and spiritual discomfort to obtain the same in all of our life? 

God has promised that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. He has told us that His commands are not burdensome. 

A sled dog’s greatest desire is to be picked to be part of the sled team. When he is tied to the sled and the other dogs, he is with his master, obeying his every command. It is his greatest joy to please his master. He does not find the yoke hard or his master’s commands burdensome. In fact, he finds it quite exhilarating. When the master emerges from the house and starts to prepare the gear for the sled, the dogs go nuts in anticipation and excitement. Each one hoping that they will be part of the team that gets to slide into the yoke.

There will always be laws and rules and restrictions. Even nature itself sets boundaries for mankind that we must observe and obey or our very lives will be lost. 

So I ask you today, what is so bad about submitting to the one who can truly provide you everything that you search for in life? The one who can truly set you free!

I have to admit. I won't miss 2015. I'm glad to see it go. I have hopes for a better 2016.

Interspersed with all the bad, there was some good too....faithful friends, family, and most of all, a faithful God.

I learned a lot about myself, about people and about life in general this year. Many of those lessons came in the midst of pain and suffering but somehow I think they will end up being most valuable.

This year I learned...

1. There are some things that come in life that change things forever. You just have to learn to accept them.
2. I am stronger than I thought I was because Christ is real in me.
3. In the midst of incredibly painful situations, there is still a hope and assurance in Christ that defies the reality of your present circumstances and that gives you strength to persevere.
4. Sometimes you have to wage war to have peace.
5. Sometimes you just need to cry and know that God understands.
6. Everyday YOU make a choice to trust God and have faith or walk in unbelief and despair.
7. God's grace is truly enough to bring peace in every storm.
8. You never walk alone when you belong to Christ. When no one else knows your pain, Christ knows, cares and acts.
9. God's way is better than even the most reliable advice the world might give. Listen to His voice. It won't always make sense, but it will always work.
10. Sometimes covering a matter is better than validating your pain by telling others about it. God knows your pain. He will ease it.
11. God did not forgive us so he could love us. He loved us so He forgave us. Forgiveness is an act of love and cannot be accomplished without love. If it's hard to forgive, than we need more of God's love in our own hearts. Then we can truly forgive.
12. Don't exalt or debase people. We are all of equal value to God.
13. Skilled Doctors are a blessing. 
14. Always trust your gut. Don't ignore a symptom just because it's too painful to think about.
15. Always tell the truth. Hiding part of the truth may provide temporary comfort but when it is fully known, the pain of it will be worse.
16. Be angry, and yet do not sin.
17. Healing takes time.
18. "Your future is as bright as the promises of God."
19. Some things are just worth fighting for, even if you think you may not win.
20. Life is not fair. You can live right but bad things will still happen to you.
21. Of all the things you have in life, people are the most important. Treasure them, value them, and hold them close.

Have a Happy New Year in 2016. May God richly bless each of you!